A week and a day and counting....

Happy Thursday to all!
I have wanted to write many an entry for awhile now, but sometimes living life is better than writing about it, ya know? :) I just returned from a few days in Branson visiting family, and it was restful and so wonderful to get away from the big D for a little bit! :) (And if you read my twitters, I didn't realize how repetitive I was being...sigh...still have to master the art of being witty & concise in the limited amount of characters they give you). So, my myemectomy surgery date is officially in a week and one day! August 21st, 7:15am folks--the surgeons will be spending some time in my abdomen, and more specifically, my uterus...yowza, owza... For those that don't know, a myemectomy is a surgical procedure where they remove the fibroid tumors from the uterus, and stitch back up the uterean wall so as to avoid a hysterectomy--praise God! It's still a full abdominal surgery (they call it a bikini incision--not looking forward to a scar on my abby...sniff,sniff...but so much better than the alternative :) so I will be out of commission for at least 4 weeks, probably 6 total. I'll be in the hospital for 3 days after the procedure, then home to recover. I am beyond grateful & thankful that both my stepmom & my Godmom will be here for about a week and a half total to help me in the toughest part of my recovery. I know I will be longing to have long heart to heart's with them, laugh & just enjoy their company, but the unfortunate truth is I will probably be drugged up beyond belief on pain killers (I've never taken Vicotin before, but apparently, I'm about to--my doc said the pain is intense enough to need this for a short time) and unable to laugh without hurting...but hey! They will be here, and for that--I am so thankful and excited! They are incredible amazing women, and I love them both so very much! My stepmom will be here for 3 days, then my Godmom for a full week! I can't remember the last time I saw her for that long of time! :) :)
So, off I trudge to work, but I am trying to enjoy being out and about most anywhere for the next week or so (even if it is work), as I will be laid up, and unable to drive for at least 2 weeks, and laid up longer than that at home. I have stock piled books and journals and plan to read and blog and write as much as I can...
And now I end this post with a quotation from Julie Powell--author of "Julie & Julia". She wrote this quote in 2002--back when blogging was something the general population hadn't quite caught onto yet...but still her words ring true: (I have always loved the phrase 'barbaric yawp'--gotta love Robin Williams in "Dead Poets Society" for using it :)

"Nowadays anyone with a crap laptop (that's me :) & Internet access can sound their barbaric yawp--whatever it may be. But the surprise is that for every person who's got something to say, it seems there are at least a few people who are interested. Some of them aren't even related. There's a dangerous, confessional thrill to opening up your eminently fascinating life and brain to the world at large and the internet makes it all so much faster and more breathless and exciting..." --JP

Sittin' On A Sunday...

So, after blogging about the WONDERMOUS (translation: go pick it up right now at the bookstore! :) book "Same Kind of Different As Me", the authors Ron Hall & Denver Moore came to speak at my church, Firewheel Bible Fellowship. I really enjoyed hearing Ron speak about the way Denver and his friendship with his late wife Debbie really transformed his life. He was full of true humility and it was a treat that Denver was there--originally it was just supposed to be Ron. But since both live in the Dallas area, we were blessed by seeing & hearing Denver Moore. As I read the book, I constantly wondered what his voice sounded like, what his eyes most likely said when he spoke. He was amazing. He spoke what was on his heart, and sang a spiritual that most likely just came from his soul, and not a hymnal. I sat transfixed, as my soul was ministered to. I met them both at a book signing afterward, but my favorite moment was later--as the book signing was winding down, but before they left to speak at the 2nd service. I was helping myself to some breakfast at the refreshment table that was pretty much deserted, and I looked to my left, and there stood Denver Moore--by himself, unassuming & quiet, drinking orange juice. I wanted to speak to him, but suddenly found myself shy. I asked him what his favorite spiritual/hymm was to sing. He looked at me with his wise, strong though quiet gaze, and spoke slowly. "Well, I just sing whatever God puts on my heart." At that moment, they ushered him away to speak, but it was a precious still moment that spoke volumes to me. What a man of wisdom & unspeakable circumstances that no one should ever know, and what a blessing to me to see him so filled with God's spirit & grace--ministering to us all. I don't want to give the book away if you haven't read their story, but I was so blessed & honored to have met such a man today as Denver Moore. God once again reminded me through him that He alone is our ultimate provider, and moves mountains we can't begin to see over or around. I'm excited because Denver & Ron have a new book coming out the end of September, "What Difference Do It Make?". I can't wait to read it!

Denver-ism's....

I've seen the book "Same Kind of Different As Me" many times at the bookstore--friends have recommended it, and I've bypassed it many times...Thankfully, I am now reading my dear friend's copy. I woke up this morning at 7am unable to sleep, and have been voraciously reading it for the last 2 1/2 hours. I love the narrative voices in this book...I love the man Denver's wisdom, spoken with such stark simplicity that it is simply...profound. One point he made about friendship really hit home with me:

"I heard that when white folks go fishin' they do somethin called 'catch & release.' " "That really bothers me," Denver went on. "I just can't figure it out. Cause when colored folks go fishin', we really proud of what we catch, and we take it and show it off to everybody that'll look. Then we eat what we catch...in other words, we use it to sustain us. So it really bothers me that white folks would go to all that trouble to catch a fish, then when they done caught it, just throw it back in the water." He paused again, and the silence between us stretch a full minute. Then: "Did you hear what I said?". I nodded, afraid to speak, afraid to offend. Denver looked away...then locked onto me again with that drill-bit stare. "So, Mr. Ron, it occurred to me: If you is fishin for a friend you just gon' catch & release, then I ain't got no desire to be your friend." Suddenly his eyes gentled and he spoke more softly than before: "But, if you is lookin for a real friend, then I'll be one. Forever."

It made me think about all of the times--in friendship and in love, that I have been caught...and released...And then I thought about those precious souls in my life, that though we may not be in constant contact (and some of them are) when we do speak, it's as though the miles and distant between our connection have been swallowed up into nothing in an instant. The friend and loved one that doesn't release you, but holds steady on and loves and accepts you through your tribulations and greatest joys is such a treasure. This passage made me thank God for those souls in my life, and it made me pray for those who have released me...that they are too being blessed and loved as they have moved on in their lives... I'm someone that hates change when it relates to those I love & care for, but I am learning to embrace the new reality of each day that God gives me, and see that if we only can rest in God's sovereignty, He constantly leads us to new and exciting journeys. I want to continually 'catch' my friends & family--be there for them, lift them up and grow with them into the new places in our lives. I love this book and it's message...I know you will too.

Freaky Friday...

Ok, so it's not so freaky Friday....

I'm sitting at home...the dog is on my bed...(Sweet Snickers...)

I'm reading a fantastic book ("Same Kind of Different As Me"--Ron Hall is speaking at my church in 2 weeks--am so excited about that!)

Contemplating what I should eat for din-din before it gets too late...

Praying about my upcoming surgery...I reallly hate when money is a factor in a decision for something, especially something important...but I have to decide which doctor should perform my surgery...one would think I should just automatically have the specialist do it, but he saw me once verrry quickly, and has no background on my case...should my doctor whose been studying it for months be the one? Or the specialist in case there's any emergency scenario? But if that was the case, would the specialist really be able to do anything the other doc couldn't do to save the uterus? Questions I'm not sure anyone BUT God has the answer too... I also have no earthly idea where the money is coming for all of my upfront surgical charges and living expenses while recovering...I know I am believeing God for my provision, but doesn't He want His child to be proactive and assertive and smart? Oh, how I wish financial provision could rain from the sky like the manna from heaven did...

Ok, enough about that for now...

On a completely unrelated and supercilious note...did anyone see the top 10 elimination show of "So You Think You Can Dance"...it's a rarity for me to miss my favorite show...for 5 long seasons I have been a die-hard fan...I shed an imaginary tear or two ;0 when Phillip was voted off...he reminds me of my brother! :) (Shout out Nick! Love you! :)

I'm going to go enjoy the evening, and listen to some of my current itunes download favorites: "Steady On" (Live--love the new version!) by Shawn Colvin, "Shine Your Light On Us" by the Robbie Seay Band, and the new Broadway cast's of "Hair" recording of "Aquarius"...good stuff maynard....

Just another Manic Monday...

Hey there all...I haven't written much about my current health condition because I've been amassing a lot of information since Friday and this weekend...and am still amassing it! :) I DO however, have to pass on the incredible news...turns out the specialist I saw wasn't exactly a miracle worker necessarily, he just saw what my other doctors saw at the end of the week...the tumor is finally beginning to shrink!! On July 4th, my hemorrhaging stopped, and I had 3 full days of relief and rest...My doctors all have said the tumor is now small enough to do a myemectomy surgery instead of a histerectomy! Praise God!!! I always felt deep down in my spirit from the beginning that God was going to save my uterus, but I had really begun to lose hope, and thought, maybe I was wrong, maybe the 'healing' per se, would be the removal of my uterus. After the struggle & pain of the last few months, I have been floating on air this weekend over this good news...of course, there are still many huge hurdles to cross--decisions over who to have perform the procedure, financial issues of course, and then, oh yes--that little thing called the um...surgury itself...but I just have to thank all of you dear friends who prayed for me, and praise God for his provision and healing!!!! I would appreciate you keeping me in your prayers!

I'm at work, eating lasagna, counting the hours until 6 o'clock, but trying to keep a smile on my face. The Lupron drug is working it's way out of my system, and I'm feeling more and more like myself everyday, which is another HUGELY fantastic thing!!! I'll write more tonight or tomorrow...ohhh, and should I even admit this?....In a delirium of internet surfing and writing, I broke down and joined twitter.....sigh...what is this world coming to? ;)
Happy Monday all!

Song of Purple Summer....

"I think these difficult times have helped me to understand better than before how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way and that so many things that one goes around worrying about are of no importance whatsoever..." --Isak Dinesen

"Any disaster you can survive is an improvement in your character, your stature, and your life. What a privilege!" --Joseph Campbell

I only have a moment to write, so I thought the eloquent words above more adequately and succinctly expressed my heart in this moment. I went to my 1st 2nd opinion doctor's appointment yesterday, and it was a huge blessing...I had to run back to work, and worked late amidst a place full of chaos and tension and confusion, and arrived home later than usual exhausted...but my heart was full of real hope for the for the first time in a long while, regarding my health. Have another appointment today...will be able to write more about everything after finding more out today... Thank you so much for any and all that have prayed--please keep doing so!

2nd opinion day...

It's a little after 7am...I've been tossing and turning for a little bit...the sun is beginning to peek thru my window, and I'm both excited and nervous to go to my doctor's appointment today. I wanted my words here to be positive and witty and sparkly, but that will have to be for another day. I have been asking the Lord alot of questions lately, and not always hearing an answer, but feeling his peace and comfort. I have been also extremely blessed with the miracle of not hemmorhaging the past 3 days....I have felt more like myself than I have felt in months. This morning, I am going to the reproductive specialist who specializes in fibroid surguries for a 2nd opinion. I am hopeful he does an ultrasound, and we see if the tumor has shrank this past month. Alot has happened to me this past month...I hope among other things the tumor inside my uterus has been dying and shriveling...Other thiings in my life have died, which has been extremely painful...I can only pray that the one thing I've wanted more than anything to die has begun to do so too...
This sounds like such a morbid entry, I'm actually really in a much better place than I even was last week...I am resting and reading and praying and planning, and Grateful to God for drawiing near to me...I also hope to take a mini-vay-cay on the weekend at the end of this month, baring any unforseen glitches with my current health situation...I'm trying to figure out where I should go...Pennsylvania? California? Colorado? New York City? Table Rock Lake? It's only going to be 3 or 4 days, but hey---a girl takes what she can get! :)
Here's praying and hoping and wishing and believeing for good news today...