Journaling My Patchwork Mosaic Life

Find the Quiet Today,,,

2012-01-15T08:46:00.003-06:00

"Here's what I want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place so you won't be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace."

--Matthew 6:6 (MSG)

Linking today with Deidra and Katie's place --a new blog to PatchworkMosaic.

When One Word is All You Need...

2012-01-11T13:38:00.005-06:00

I'm so thrilled to be back in the blogisphere! This New Year's has been a whirlwind for me and my little familia, but we are finally settling in, letting the winds of change settle down, and looking forward to the adventures ahead!

After a magical Christmas in the South, my Love and I found ourselves packing up a good deal of our Texas lives into cardboard boxes and loading them into a Uhaul. After a New Year's kiss, and a few hours sleep, we headed out on the open road on New Year's Day...bound for my hometown - with my husband's new job, and the prospect of me returning to school to tie up long overdue loose ends at our anticipated destination...

"When going back makes sense, you are going ahead."
--Wendell Berry

We happily settled into what I affectionately call our "bungalow" (more details in a later post :) and set to the task of creating a home for ourselves in a place we've both called home before (my husband lived here as well earlier in his career). I've come to realize I'm home anywhere my precious husband and sweet puppy are, and this has been no exception. Of course, along with all of my ambitious New Year's resolutions and plans came a nasty case of bronchitis that knocked me flat for over a week, but thanks to prayer and some powerful antibiotics, I'm back on the grid (anyone catching the geeky 'Tron-like' humor there? :) .

Like so many other bloggers out there, I'm delighted at the prospects and possibilities of a New Year - fresh starts and new adventures - and this year is most definitely not disappointing in that arena. I've had time over the holidays to rest, reflect and recharge my weary batteries, and rather than bore you with a prattling list of my resolutions that I may forget soon enough, I've decided to embrace the wonderful practice of choosing One Word for 2012. :)

Abundant thanks to wonderful Melanie for this blog beauty!

There are no doubt many other words I could have chosen for this New Year - abundance, trust, growth - I considered them all. And while of course I will do all I can to live them and more out as fully as I can, I settled on my beautious word for a specific reason.

Create

For much of my life, I have (and still do) consider myself an artist. A person who feels compelled to create and experience as much artistry in my life as possible. Because I'm called by the Lord as part of my purpose to do so. Because I feel I was created to do just that. And for a million other reasons, many most likely selfish in nature, but also most importantly - to hopefully serve others and do my part of giving of myself, my talents and resources for the good work God has called me to do.

And while all that sounds so much more lofty than I mean it to :), I have to admit alot of times, I fall prey to procrastination, laziness, insecurity, and a ton of other traps that keep me from my creating. Excuses. Fear. Worry that it won't be enough. Good enough. Unique enough. Creative enough.

So, that's my word. My inspiration. Part of the goals I am setting for myself this year. A word I feel God has reminded me I need to hold close in my thoughts and make part of my routine. I am so excited to push through the noise and the fog to create. The possibilities seem endless! From writing on my blog, to singing, dancing, performing, and other joyous forms of art. Creating opportunities to serve those I love, and those I have yet to meet. I'm so excited for the journey. I have no delusions it will always be easy, yet I still look forward to be in the place God has me, and enjoying every second of it. God has brought me from the place of Active Waiting to the work of creating and growing, and I'm up for the challenge. Let's take it together this year, shall we?

What's your word this year? If you don't have one yet, perhaps consider the joy of claiming one of your own?

"There is the happiness which comes from creative effort. The joy of dreaming, creating, building, whether in painting a picture, writing an epic, singing a song..."

--Henry Miller

Linking today with Ann, Michelle and Jen.

Peace & Meditations...

2012-01-07T15:08:00.001-06:00

I meditate on all Thy doings; I muse on the work of Thy hands...

Psalm 143:5

Thanks for grace for too many weeks away from Patchwork Mosaic! So much has happened... a Christmas with family, a move to a new state on New Years, mourning the loss of my husband's Uncle, too many days of bronchitis, and now, finally....healing and new beginnings. I'll be back tomorrow with pictures, thoughts and...the word for 2012!

This Christmas Season...

2011-12-19T01:14:00.000-06:00

"May all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you!"

--Psalm 40: 16

Home For the Holidays...A Christmas Tour

2011-12-15T09:21:00.040-06:00

It's Patchwork Mosaic's first Christmas Home Tour! 

I am absolutely thrilled to be participating in a few of the loveliest blogisphere Christmas Home Tours around! We actually didn't do massive amounts of decorating this year at our home, as we will be spending Christmas in my husband's homeland, but this Christmas still has much significance for me. I've never lived in my very own home, and quite frankly, the wreath pictured above is my first one to hang during the Christmas holidays! It's fresh pine scent sends me over the moon each time I breathe in it's fragrance and there's something so comforting about the traditional bow and pinecones.

To be honest, many of the previous Christmases have been difficult for me. I lost my father very suddenly a few weeks before Christmas a few years ago, and though I wanted very much to have feelings of Christmas cheer in my spirit, it was hard to conjure up something I didnt feel.

This year has been so chalk full of blessings, it almost makes my head spin. Getting married, moving to a wonderful permanent home, creating a nurturing space for us both to live in, nestling into our community,actively celebrating the expectant waiting of Advent, and soon celebrating our first Christmas together - I'm almost breathless with thanks as I type these words!

I hope you enjoy these images of small touches of Holiday cheer in our home. Our camera went missing in action last month, so thanks for grace for photos all taken on a smartphone! (I'm looking forward to filling this blog with actual camera photos after Christmas).

Fill your mug with hot chocolate or cider, grab a Christmas throw, and settle in, my friends. And always remember, Jesus is the Gift...

Advent's Joyous Wait

2011-12-14T15:36:00.000-06:00

"The church tells us a different story about time -- it is God's, and there is enough of it, more than enough. The church's narrative about time is never clearer than during Advent, when we are invited to spend our time very foolishly indeed. We are invited to wait. Just to wait."

--Paula Gooder,

"The Meaning Is In The Waiting"

linking today with Emily and Ann

Sunday...

2011-12-12T00:42:00.001-06:00

Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.
Mark 1:35

Tuesdays Unwrapped...Simply Grateful

2011-12-01T18:48:00.132-06:00

So I have writer's block. There. I admitted it. I've been trying to dream up a creative and fantabulous block of prose for today's post...and I just don't have the words today.
But regardless of my lack of creativity, I am still happy to be a part of Tuesdays Unwrapped over at Chatting At The Sky ...with a bunch of beautiful and creative souls whose blogs overflow with artistry and inspiration. (And thanks to Emily for her lovely bloggy button! :)
I was in bed yesterday with a pretty intense sinus infection, so I am elated to be up and moving today...These past few weeks I've experienced so much joy! I'm grateful for gifts of both the simple quiet moments, and special seasonal events:

1) My husband and I in our church lobby after the second service of our church's Christmas cantata...My wonderful friend LouAnn snapped this picture as soon as she saw us standing by the Christmas tree. I can't say enough about how much I love our church family...

2) I loved the title of our church's aforementioned cantata...I am absolutely estatic to have such a wonderful church home. Singing all 3 services with my church family made me delirously happy...I may have had to lay my larynx on the floor after repeatedly singing sustained high A's & B's, but hey - it's what a singer/artist lives for! :) Singing glorious Christmas music with 150 other voices and a 50 piece orchestra is bliss...if that doesn't put you in the Christmas spirit, I don't know what will!

3) Last week I went to the Waffle House for the first time in years! I met my Soul Twin for a delightful breakfast, and had such a wonderful time catching up, laughing, and spending time with one of my dearest friends on the planet. In case you most likely can't read the caption on the photo due to my amazing photo editing skills, do any of you remember the David Wilcox song, "Waffle House"? (Jill V, if you are reading this post, that reference is for you my friend :) It was the musical soundtrack for that morning's visit.

4) Whilst visiting family in Arizona on Thanksgiving, I was thrilled to take an afternoon and drive to Tucson to visit my dear, kind vocal teacher and his beautiful wife. I had not seen him or his wife in over 10 years, and I was thrilled and delighted to spend time reconnecting with them! I was floored at how fantastic my teacher/mentor looked - he looked exactly the same, if not better!! They graciously treated my sister and I to a wonderful lunch, and he even gave me a voice lesson - and of course diagnosed some vocal issues I was having within minutes! I can not say enough how thankful and blessed I am to have studied voice with this man...he is one of the greatest vocal teachers on the planet, and I am honored he took a chance on a kid with more ambition than talent. He and his wife are so wonderful, and I can't wait to see them again, and have another lesson!

Happy to also be linking with A Holy Experience and Graceful today...

Tuesdays Unwrapped...A Trip to the South...

2011-11-29T12:02:00.001-06:00

A couple of weeks ago, the Love of My Life and I took a weekend trip to the South to visit family. As I mentioned in yesterday's post, I was raised in Kansas, and the deep South has always felt like a fairy tale, or a place I read about in a book. Now, I am happy to visit quite frequently, as it is my husband's homeland. :)

I so enjoyed being in a town where someone personally knew my sweet mother-in-law at every shop we visited.

Where the bright colors of the fall foliage took my breath away.

Where I gazed on the glimpse of my first sighting of a cotton field.

Where I had hot tea and homemade preserves on my biscuit for breakfast.

I am grateful to have visited a place that felt like a home I'd always wanted, but until recently, had never experienced. Time felt like it moved slower, moments vivid and delicious in my memory, laughter and love ever constant.

I'm linking up today with Chatting At the Sky today as bloggers from all over the blogisphere share their moments of joy and beauty at Tuesdays Unwrapped. (Click here to visit Emily's blog and get the details).

"For these moments, in this place, I slow down. If only for a few minutes, we have permission to take the time to unwrap the small, secret gift of the everyday."

--Emily Freeman, "Chatting At The Sky"

Homeward Bound and A Thanksgiving/Gratitude Playlist

2011-11-27T10:59:00.003-06:00

I'm writing this blog post from a hotel lobby in my home state of Kansas...My husband and I just spent a most lovely weekend in Arizona visiting family and enjoying holiday meats like turducken (a turkey stuffed with a duck that's stuffed with a chicken with the entire bird stuffed with creole stuffing - not for the faint of heart, and incredibly delicious!!), playing put-put and bowling with the family, hugging my beautiful sisters and sweet puppy dogs to pieces, and drinking copious amounts of soy milk eggnog (in case you were wondering - also delish).
Though I have not lived here for quite some time, I was born, raised and went to college in this most lovely state in the middle of the country. Feeling the brisk Kansas wind, seeing familiar landmarks today, and the beautiful wide open spaces and sky have made me reflective and grateful for the places we call home...Though I've lived in many a state-and as far as I'm concerned, home is and will always now be where me and My Love lay our heads-there's something about the place where you drew your first breath, learned life lessons, loved your family and friends...the place that shaped you and your inner thoughts, and gave you an internal anchor as you travelled far and wide, only to discover all over the world, we all long for the same things...
I don't know about you, but when I grow introspective about my life, there always seems to be a musical soundtrack accompanying my thoughts. I give to you my Thanksgiving and Gratitude playlist. As you enjoy your lingering moments today with loved ones, and reflect on memories made this Thanksgiving, perhaps one of these songs will accompany your journey -- or help you hum a little tune on your way?

(Kindly remember to scroll down and pause the music player at the bottom of the page before listening :)

Homeward Bound - Simon & Garfunkel

Celebrate Me Home - Kenny Loggins

I've Got Plenty To Be Thankful For - Bing Crosby

Thank You -- Dido

Give Thanks & Praise - Bob Marley & the Wailers

Harvest Moon - Neil Young

Thanksgiving Song - Mary Chapin Carpenter

"...The main title of the day is Thanksgiving, or giving thanks to God for all He has given us. But of course the real question is, why aren't we doing this every day? Why don't we praise him for right now, for this moment, wherever we are?"

--Sarah Arthur

We're linking up with a bevy of beautiful blogs today! Stop by and say hello, or if they are the source of your visiting, kindly consider leaving me a comment or hello?

I am reading one of L.L. Barkat's books at the moment, and it feels like a new friend I've always had - definitely a new fan - and really enjoyed her post at Seedings Into Stone.

Michelle Derusha's blog is now a regular read for me...I especially loved her post "The Scent of Slow"

I'm happy to say linking up with Ann's blog is now also becoming a weekly habit. Blogging.Genius. Nuff said.

This is a new blog linky for Patchwork Mosaic...enjoying finding new blog community at The Wellspring.

Truly Blessed and Duly Grateful...A Review & My First Giveaway!

2011-11-19T11:05:00.109-06:00

This summer whilst reading blogs like these, I discovered a most wonderful blog community...Incourage

Check out their story and what Incourage is all about in this lovely video!

Incourage is sponsored by the wonderful Christian company Dayspring, and many of their writers have entire blogs sponsored by the company and are or have been a part of Blessings Unlimited. It is through this wonderful blog community that I learned more about becoming a Blessings consultant, and also discovered beautiful Christian decor for the home, kitchen and more. Before I signed up for Blessings Unlimited, I came across a particular beautiful piece in their catalog...

The Give Thanks Wooden Caddy

I wanted to purchase one, but when the next catalog came out, I was sad to see it had disappeared...Then I happily found it had reappeared on the Dayspring website as part of their Thanksgiving decor! This little gem is handmade from solid mango wood, and each caddy is uniquely finished. It's 6 1/2 inches wide and 5 5/8 inches tall. (And just to state the obvious - the silverware isn't included :)

This past spring I got married, and I have enjoyed every minute of the process of settling into our wonderful home. I have found great joy in finding decor for our home with an eternal message, and the verse on this beautiful wooden caddy is a reminder of blessings we are given by God...

Let them give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love,

and His wonderful deeds for mankind...

--Psalm 107:8

This beautiful caddy has a plethora of uses...Besides the obvious silverware/napkin/place settings to help set the table, there's no limit to your creative ideas for uses to display this gorgeous (and practical - hey, it's functional home decor! :) caddy in your home. Store your pens/pencils and office or craft supplies, put small pillar candles in each compartment for a fall tablescape...and of course my husband thinks it's a great solution for t.v. remotes! :)

The wonderful folks at Dayspring have graciously provided me with a lovely gift for a blog reader for my

first

blog

GIVEAWAY!!

I will be giving away a $20 Dayspring coupon gift to a lucky blog reader, and it's easy peasy to enter! Simply leave a comment below with your name and correct email address, and tell me what you are thankful for in this season of Thanksgiving! This coupon is NOT for 20% off of a purchase, it's a $20 credit toward free Dayspring online product--even better! (Just FYI though - there is a minimum purchase of $20 for the credit to work. It's only toward online products at Dayspring.com and it doesn't include tax and shipping on your item.)

You may enter 2 additional ways for a total of 3 entries!

1. Visit the Dayspring website and then leave another comment with your correct email address telling me what your favorite product is and why.

2. Follow this blog via goggle or blogger (see the sidebar), then leave a comment letting us know ya did.

THIS BLOG GIVEAWAY WILL CLOSE ON SUNDAY, NOV. 27TH. We will then select a winner using random.org who will be notified by email within the follow week.

"If you want to turn your life around, try thankfulness. It will change your life mightily!"

--Gerald Good

Disclosure: Dayspring kindly gave me the Give Thanks caddy free in exchange for my review. All the opinions and gushing about this product, however, are my own.

We are also linking up today with Ann @ A Holy Experience...she is a blogger for incourage and her book "One Thousand Gifts" is available through Dayspring.

Moments of Grateful on a November Day

2011-11-15T15:29:00.001-06:00

It's a sunny Tuesday in November, and my heart is so full of thanks! It's hard to believe it's a little over a week before the Thanksgiving holiday. It's one of my favorite times of the year, and thanks to the blessings of a Happy List and One Thousand Gifts - I have been mindful to be grateful often and much, and though the list is unending, today I'm taking time to share some favorite gifts that come to mind...

Thanks and Gratitude for:

That beautiful voices and music like this exist
(Be Grateful - John Legend, Jennifer Hudson, The Roots)

"God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say 'thank you?' "

~William A. Ward

Today's Links:

Our grateful moments are linked with the communities at Ann's place, and a new blog to Patchwork Mosaic, the blog of author L.L. Barkat, Seedlings In Stone.

Day 31...When the Waiting Is Finally Done...A Celebratory Gathering

2011-11-14T21:55:00.002-06:00

We have finally reached the finish line of the 31 Days of Waiting....can I tell you how gloriously happy that makes me? :) (Of course, I also feel a tinge of embarrassment that it's now Nov. 13th...ummmm, better late than never, right? :) Though I may have spent a little bit of this blog series adventure lamenting my lack of creative words, I have absolutely loved this journey of 31 days of blog posts. It has been a challenge to write on a subject that doesn't come naturally to me, and though there were moments I wanted to throw the computer out the window in writer's block frustration, (or agonizing over learning the latest technical process of sprucing up a post :) this process has helped me realize how much I enjoy the blogging journey. I am so excited to learn more and grow this little piece of blog-estate as God continues to see fit!
I thought it fitting on this final day of the series to tell you about my celebration at the end of last month. (translation: the party I threw when my 31 days series should have been wrapping up - can I ask for grace for my procrastinating ways once more? :) I was elated to host a Fall Open House/Gathering in part to introduce my nearest and dearest pals to the beautious home decor products I am happy to offer as a Blessings Unlimited Consultant.

I must preface this narrative by saying that I'm not a natural 'party thrower'...I love attending them, and helping other give them, but as much as I wish I had the consumate hostess gene, its definitely something I am learning slowly but surely. I was a bit nervous, as this was my first gathering personally thrown by yours truly. Our first guest to arrive was our amazing friend Pam who indeed does have the most amazing gift of hospitality. She helped me get things organized along with my best friend Janie. As soon as the guests began ringing the doorbell and entering with hugs and hellos, my nerves melted away into joy as the soup simmered on the stove, and the laughter and joy began ringing through the house!

Blessings Unlimited is a part of the Christian company Dayspring, and they specialize in home and kitchen decor, as well as cards, journals, and other awesome gifts with an eternal message. Their product have beautiful Scriptures and/or messages displayed prominently in their design.

I particularly love this message on their lazy susan - it matches a beautiful platter (see collage photo below) that a gathering hostess can earn for free! :)

Blessings Unlimited is a relatively new company, with about 1900 consultants nationwide. While that may sound like a lot, consider that a direct sales company like Mary Kay has at least a million consultants. As they are a division of Dayspring, who is in turn owned by Hallmark, they have a solid and established reputation of excellence and service. This is a wonderful time to get involved on the ground floor and build a personal business at your own pace. If you're looking for a flexible job that you could do part time on the side, or full time from home on your own schedule, it's a fabulous company to check out! I didn't know if I was cut out for a consultant job - the last thing I want to be is a pushy salesperson. But I've happily found being involved with Blessings isn't anything like that. I've truly enjoyed offering products with a deeper message that always points to eternal truth. Having their products in my own home has blessed me as well...when I'm frazzled or worried, I take a calming breath, and remember messages like these...

But back to our particular gathering party! I so enjoyed sharing the Blessings products and message with friends old and new... Though it technically was an open house, I decided to go all out a little bit more than usual with my vittles, and we feasted on a lovely autumn menu that included Winter Lentil Soup, crusty bread, homemade hummus and pita chips,hot apple cider, sparkling blood orange soda and a smattering of delish dessert snacks including red velvet cookies and trail mix.

Here's a sampling of the Blessings Unlimited fall catalog

While I did take the time to share about the products and opportunities to become a consultant, we spent the majority of the time just enjoying the gift of company and friendship. This summer has been one of transition as I got married and moved to another city...I've lived the nomads life before, and I'm used to starting over, but this transition was a bit solitary at first. Finding amazing new friends through our amazing church and spending time with old friends is a gift of answered prayer amidst the 'wait.' I'm grateful beyond measure to be a part of such a loving community - spending time with these amazing ladies made this gathering extra special....

Thank you, kind readers for sticking with me as I've labored through to the Active Waiting finish line...of course, in our everday lives, the waiting continues, but I've learned through my writing experience that moments of waiting can be fruitful, abundant, productive and full of growth. No doubt I will experience many more periods of time in my life when I am waiting for something...an answer, a circumstance, a breakthrough, a blessing... I am so grateful that the Lord will never leave me unattended, and has better plans for me than I could dream up myself. Remember, if you are waiting for anything, you don't have to wallow in stagnation or succumb to fear or passivity. You can always remain Active in your moment, and trust that in the proper time, the waiting will be over...And you might even find yourself enjoying and treasuring your moments of stillness as a gift of the Waiting Place...

I'm thrilled to move on in the continual blog writing journey...Up next is more news on upcoming adventures, travels, stories, product reviews...and.... wait for it.... (sorry, I couldn't resist :)

My first bloggy giveaway!!

I can't imagine leaving our journey together without another beautiful musical morsel...check out what Sara Groves has to say about waiting below....

"I'll Wait" by Sara Groves (on her new album "Invisible Empires" )

Kindly remember to scroll down to the bottom of the page and hit pause on the playlist before viewing

p.s.

Though this is the end of the series on waiting, we are still linking up today with Graceful Michelle. Her blog is a place of peace, faith & beauty. I was truly honored to be a part of her Hear It Use It weekly post last week...The day I wrote those words, I had no idea that my words would resonate with anyone else - I was so blessed that the Lord used them in Michelle's life. Her blog is one of my regular reads - visit her blog, read her words and be encouraged!

p.p.s.

We are also linking up with Jen at Finding Heaven. Happy Birthday Soli Deo Gloria! I'm a new reader to Jen's wonderful blog - her writing has such clarity and compassion, and her drawings are exsquisite! I have been so grateful to learn of and be a part of such wonderful blogisphere communities!!

p.p.p.s

My intention was not for this post to be simply a sales pitch. In the midst of my waiting, one of the things I have loved about being a Blessings Unlimited consultant is having the privilege and joy of combining a personal business with ministry and encouragement. If you're interested in hosting a gathering of your own, ordering any of the beautiful items pictured above, or want to learn more about being a consultant, please visit my personal Blessings website for more information.

This is the final post in a series of 31 Days of Active Waiting...kindly click the tab at the top of the page for links to the rest of the posts. Thanks again for joining the journey!

Day 30...When the End of the Waiting Is in Sight...

2011-11-07T12:35:00.004-06:00

Forgive my slowness in finishing my 31 Days posts...Though it's November, I thought it best to finish a little late than never. :) Thanks for understanding...

I've never written a blog post daily for more than 10 days, let alone 31 of them...I've journaled for years and years, and though I've had periods of time when I was writing very frequently, this exercise of writing on one topic (and a topic I'll admit I wouldn't have picked on my own :) consistently and daily has not only taught me more about daily discipline and tenacity, but showed me where I want to improve in my writing and blogging adventures. The experience of waiting is a practice that can be not only active, but productive, and food for your soul, your spiritual life, and your patience. Many times in my life when I was waiting for something, I spent that time in angst, worry, fear, frustration, and a myriad of other emotions that did me no good. Most likely there was more blood pressure raising than learning more about God or life lessons.

A lot of times, I don't have the words. (Which if you know me, may come as a surprise to many, because I.am.QUITE.a.talkative.gal!) One of the important things this journey of Active Waiting has reminded me of is having a consistent time of devotion, prayer, writing and learning... I am all too guilty of not reading the Word of God as much as books about it and the spritual life. Mind you, I think these books are wonderful and uber helpful, I just don't believe they should be a substitute for the Good Book's wisdom. I did a concordance search (conveniently at the back of my own Bible) on waiting for this post...some of the Scriptures I found have been seen on this blog earlier in the series, but most have not. Some of the passages were not easy - they told of specific people and their own stories of waiting, and they were anything but neat and tidy. But that's not the only thing the Good Book has to say on the subject..

I also found these dazzling gems...Read, savor, reflect, repeat as needed. :)

Acts 22: 16 ~ And now what are you waiting for? Get up, be baptized and wash your sins away, calling on his name.

Psalm 5:3 ~In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly.

Romans 8:25 ~ But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

Lamentations 3:24: ~ I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him."

Isaiah 30:18 ~ Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore He will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him!

Psalm 130: 5 ~ I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in His word I put my hope.

Psalm 40: 1-2 I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He liefted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.

Isaiah 26:8 ~ Yes, Lord, walking in the way of your laws, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desire of our hearts.

Psalm 33:20 ~ We wait in hope for the Lord; He is our help and our shield.

Proverbs 20:22 ~ Do not say, "I'll pay you back for this wrong!" Wait for the Lord, and He will avenge you.

Psalm 38: 15 ~ Lord, I wait for you; you will answer, Lord my God.

Hebrews 6: 15 ~ And so after waiting patiently, Abraham received what was promised.

These words are only a small sampling of the verses on our weighty (ok, pun intended :) topic...I encourage you to search the Scriptures for yourselves, not just about this topic of waiting, but so much more. It's a heavy book, a complex book, and mighty not only in weight, but in power and truth.

Today we're linking up with a holy experience and another grace-filled blog that's a happy addition to my bloggy reading list...Visit these beautiful internet homes of joy and let 'em know you dropped by...

Thanks for waiting for me to finish this series! Stay tuned for the last post in our 31 Days series - and know that once the writing on waiting is done, there's so much more coming your way...including some coupon discount goodness!

"I'll wait for you, now more than ever,

I see it's true now more than ever, I'll wait for you

I don't want to do this by myself

I know I need your help, and so I'm waiting for You."

--Sara Groves, "I'll Wait"

(from her new album, "Invisible Empires")

Day 29...Blogs I Read & More 31 Days...

2011-10-31T22:40:00.001-05:00

I've been meaning to post a list of some of the other '31 Day' series I've been enjoying during this wondermous month of blogging. When I've been tempted to just give up or desert this project, going to this lovely list at one of my favorite blogs and reading new words and discovering new-to-me blogs has been a delightful source of inspiration... Perhaps check out these blogs and catch up on a series or two?

www.annieblogs.com

I absolutely love this blog, and Annie's series on courage has taught me much :)

www.thenester.com

The Nester is one of the masterminds of this amazing project that has united 700 bloggers with one beautiful writing purpose... Her blog has incredible home decor ideas, and I love the motto of her blog "it doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful". (She also wrote a most lost lovely article/post on day 27 about Blessings Unlimited - of which I am a new consultant. Her pic is the button link to my website to the right - give the pic a click and check out the beautiful products. I read this blog almost daily, as well as her sister's, which brings me to...

www.chattingatthesky.com

This is another blog I read almost daily...I first heard of the 31 Days post series concept on her blog, as I read her wonderful series from last year, "31 Days of Grace". (In truth, I wanted that to be my topic, but I knew I couldn't write with half of the clarity and insight that I read in her words) She also has a new book, "Grace For the Good Girl - Letting Go of the Try Hard Life" that I'm currently reading...her writing is so fantastic - I keep highlighting my favorite paragraphs like it's my job. :) You can't go wrong by reading anything she writes....

www.contemplativecottage.com

This is a new blog to me...and I love this topic as well. The images are beautiful, the thoughts profound. I love this writer's insight...when I visit this blog, the classical music soothes my hurried spirit, and her words take me to a contemplative mindset, which I love...I will continute to read this blog after the posts!

There are so many incredible blogs with interesting and inviting posts in this 31 Days series...Reading and learning from this incredible network of blogs has been invaluable in my quest for blog knowledge, and inspiring as I continue to figure out my bloggy voice. Thanks so much for continuing to take the journey with me!

"A blog is in many ways a continuing conversation."

--Andrew Sullivan

Days 27 & 28...When You're Just Sick of the Waiting...

2011-10-31T10:29:00.003-05:00

I read a very truthful sentence on another blog, and I'm going to share it with you because it's how I feel in this very moment... Sometimes I get tired of the sound of my own (bloggy) voice. Especially when its continually talking at me about w a i t i n g.... :)

I'll stop the continual tirade I give you about why I didn't post daily for this hugearific amount of time this time around, and only say I'm sorry I haven't got as much writing follow through as I aspire to have. I am showing my procrastinator bloggy stripes, I'm afraid. And I suppose you could say that I was giving my ~~thousands~~ two loyal readers the ultimate exercise in Active Waiting as you kindly and dutifully checked back to this site, only to see Day 26 continually dangling in the bloggy air...and it was already the 30th...(sigh)

I must say around the 27th day of Active Waiting, I hit a breaking point of sorts...I felt blah in my writing, blah in the waiting....just, well...BLAH if you will...

But then, thankfully, the Lord smiled down on His little goofball child (moi) and her amazing husband (The Love of My Life) and gave us news that cheered our little waiting hearts...

We don't have to wait much longer...:)

While we are still in the waiting game for the details, it looks like The Love of My Life and I will be going on a little travel adventure for my husband's work...We will be packing our boxes and going to the land of my birthplace and beginnings...only for a short while, mind you - we couldn't commit to leaving Texas permanently :) - but within that journey there will be many wonderful adventures for the both of us... I can't wait to blog more about it! Can I perhaps Ieave that little caveat dangling in the air so you'll tune back in? (And don't worry - you won't have to actively wait for it for long - when we get the deets in the next few weeks, I'll be telling you more about it for sure...

(source: pinterest)
You got that right, Mr. Warhol....

It aches for the coming—it can hardly wait!

And it doesn't lie. If it seems slow in coming,

wait.

It's on its way. It will come right on time.

Habbakkuk 2:3b

Day 26...What I'm Reading As I Wait...On The Bookshelf

2011-10-26T14:55:00.127-05:00

When I'm reading my favorite blogs, or taking time to discover new ones, one of my favorite types of posts is the book list... When a fellow blogger/writer shares the books currently on their bookshelf/table/nightstand, I am a captive audience. The other day I was reading a new favorite blog, and thrilled to discover it's author was reading one of my all time favorite books Walking On Water - Reflections on Faith & Art by Madeleine L'Engle. (I could and should devote an entire series of posts on it's author and her expanse of work - over 60 titles!) There's something delectable about finding a new book to add to your current (ever-expanding) list, or smile in delight that another person in the world has found words that touched you, impacted your thoughts and views, or perhaps just messed with your soul in the best possible ways...
I'm constantly reading numerous books at once. While this can be a good thing, sometimes it deters my self-diagnosed-adult-ADD-ness into overdrive. I'll decide to read, say 8 books at once - which results in not finishing them for months. At any rate, I think I'm getting better at juggling the mixture of titles and subjects, and it's one of my favorite pastimes. I've decided to make this type of post an at-least-once-a-month kind of event. In light of my 31 Days of Active Waiting, I have of course had ample time to discover new delicious morsels of text, and spend a good deal of that time reading...(This is of course in addition to my quiet time and devotional reads...yet another post on it's own. And I say I don't have ideas for future blog posts....pshaw! :)

While there have been other titles I'll let you know about in future posts, here's the books currently occupying my waiting journey...

Sacred Chaos by Tricia McCary Rhodes

I found this book while doing a random search on Amazon for a different book entirely. I have been savoring this book in little pieces. It is intensely practical, and filled with wonderful writing and personal stories from the author's life. I love that there are different types of exercises to implement at the end of each chapter - everything from journaling to prayer and meditation to daily practices to integrate into your daily life. There's also a few very helpful appendix sections at the back of the book with Scriptures, and instructive thoughts on topics such as lectio divinia and physical prayer, I took this book with me on my first prayer retreat experience (see days 1 -3 of this series of posts), and it was so helpful to me in turning my racing thoughts to worship, prayer and peace.

"My prayer for you as you read - whatever your life looks like right now, no matter what season you are in or how spiritual or unspiritual you feel - is that the things I've written will give you a glimpse of how near God is, causing fresh hope to rise up and confirm that the chaos you call your life can indeed be sacred." - author Tricia McCary Rhodes

The Wilder Life by Wendy McClure

My best friend happily turned me on to this delightful book! Author Wendy McClure was obsessed in her childhood (and continues to be - in a joyous, non- frightful way :) with books in The Little House on the Prairie series. She follows a lifelong dream to learn more about Laura, her world and those that also love her books. Wendy delves into piles of research - sorting out the fact and fiction of the Laura of Little House, and Laura the real-life author - and even goes on a tour of various Little House locations across the country. She writes about her hilarious adventures of bringing the Little House world closer to her modern day life by churning butter (with an authentic butter churn!) and making the candy Laura makes in the books out of maple syrup and snow. She's an incredible writer, and it's a fast and festive read. Though the quote below is a bit somber, don't be fooled. Wendy's witty and funny, and most of the read is spent laughing out loud. :)

"In Chapter 9 of Little House in the Big Woods, [where] four-year-old Laura fills her pocket with lake pebbles at the shore while the family is visiting town. And then, when Pa tosses her back into the wagon, the heavy pocket rips off her dress and she cries. For me, reading that scene never fails to bring on a brief, scalding instant of recognition in recalling exactly what it was like to be a tiny little kid, your whole sense of being so lumpy and vulnerable that the smallest things were everything, and the everything could be so unspeakably wonderful, and the wonderful could be snatched away in an instant, leaving a big ragged hole in your universe just like the one in Laura's dress." - author Wendy McClure

What's It Like To Be Married To Me by Linda Dillow

I've only been married a very short while...I am still considered a newlywed. When my husband and I were engaged, we (or rather, I) read so many books on preparing for marriage. (My husband is much less of a reader than I...though he loves reading aloud and discussing books together which I love :) I read and loved one of Linda's earlier books "Calm My Anxious Heart". The book's practicality and insight was so helpful for me that when I saw she had a book on marriage, I had to check it out. (Not to mention that Gary Thomas - the author of the wonderful book "Sacred Marriage" endorsed it so highly). The book title asks important (and as the subtitle says) dangerous questions. Other honest and helpful questions include "What does it feel like to be my husband?" "Am I willing to change my attitude?" and "Is it possible to grow together when things fall apart?" Linda's answers - as well as other women's stories are infused with grace and wisdom. I'm still working my way through this gem of a book, and my highlighter is getting a hefty workout. As with most of Linda's books, there's also a wonderful Bible study that can be done individually or in a group on each chapter at the back of the book. Though a somewhat typical subject for a Christian women's book, Linda's unique approach is one of my favorite things about it. Her writing is conversational and incredibly engaging. If your turned off by the possibly slightly cheesy cover design, (as I was at first) don't let it dissuade you from picking up this book up - you won't be disappointed.

"A Dangerous Prayer!
'Lord, I give you permission to search my heart and mind. Please show me every day what it feels like to be my husband....'Lord, change my selfish heart. Work in me so I can truly learn to be a helper to my husband. Show me what encouragement and respect look like to him. I want to do my part to create emotional intimacy with him.'..." --author Linda Dillow

Holy Yoga - Exercise for the Christian Body & Soul

I was so happy to discover this book! For many years I didn't enjoy doing yoga. The worst part for me was when in the midst of contorting my leg through my arms and over my head (Ok, perhaps that's a little bit of a dramatic mental picture :) I would often be asked to empty my mind and meditate. That was the worst thing I felt I needed in that moment, and as a Christian - I didn't want to empty my mind. I wanted to fill it with thoughts of Christ! :) Enter Brooke Boon. She was a Hatha Yoga instructor when she became a Christian, and began to teach and practice yoga as a Believer. Boon felt called to eventually write this wonderful and informative book on practicing yoga that is both fully yoga (in regards to technique and physical moves) and fully Christian. Without getting into any sort of convoluted debate over Christians practicing yoga, I have to say how thrilled I was to see a Christian woman fully on fire for Christ, taking a physical practice used by the world and using it to glorify Christ and her faith. Isn't that what God constantly does - take the things of this world and redeem them for His work and glory? There is thorough and spirit-filled information about practicing yoga as a fully Christian practice with worship and meditation on Scripture as well as pages of instruction on various postures and routines. There is also a lovely DVD in the back cover with more instruction from Brooke and a few different yoga class sessions. (They are not set to music - I suggest making a mix of your favorite worship tunes and putting them on while using the DVD.) I'm enjoying doing yoga for the first time in my life - with worship music that centers my thoughts on the Lord and meditation, prayer and praise that brings to a deeper connection with Christ. (For more information, check out the wonderful website dedicated to learning more about practicing Christian yoga - it's chalk full of resources!)

"Having an appropriate purpose in the practice of a discipline is what makes it holy or not. It depends upon the intent, as do all disciplines. We (Holy Yoga) make the discipline holy by placing our intent squarely on Christ. It is a discipline because it is a gift of God, a means of His grace, and a place we go to be in a position for Him to work in and through us. Especially when practiced in conjunction with the classical spiritual disciplines, Holy Yoga is a profound tool for Christian spiritual development." -- author Brooke Boon

The One Year Daily Grind by Sarah Arthur

This book is unfortunately out of print. I discovered it while perusing the author's lovely website. I found it used on Amazon for a few dollars, but according to Sarah's website, the new paperback edition (with the new title The One Year Coffee With God) will be out in January of 2012. It's a standard devotional...one page for each day of the year with a few short paragraphs and Scripture passage that applies to the day's words. What I love about this devotional is the conversational style Sarah has, as she shares her life's day to day struggles, observations and God ordained experiences. Some are short and light - others more profound. I've been making it a practice of adding these short devotional readings to my morning quiet time, and writing out the Scripture references as an additional tool to internalize God's Word. Sarah is a fantastic writer, and if devotionals aren't your cup of tea, visit her website for information on her other wonderful books.

"Maybe worship is about being distracted out of ourselves for once. Maybe it's about looking up, looking around at the faces near us. Maybe it's about seeing the world in clearer focus - the people Jesus loves and died for, the body of Christ in the middle of the aisle, bobbing and clapping off beat." --author Sarah Arthur

Most of my words on these beautiful books don't do them justice. Pick them up and let the authors do the talking...I'm so grateful for the gift of books and reading whether I'm waiting or not!

"To read is to fly: it is to soar to a point of vantage which gives a view over wide terrains of history, human variety, ideas, shared experience and the fruits of many inquiries." --J.C. Grayling

This is Day 26 in a series of posts...to find other posts in the series, refer to the side bar for some of the most recent entries, or see the tab at the top of the blog for links.

We're linking up with Emily @ Imperfect Prose today... I especially love her music playlist...:)

Day 25...Because You Have to Talk About Patience...

2011-10-25T14:22:00.005-05:00

I knew that writing a series on waiting would no doubt require some posts about patience. I have been dreading writing them, because I am truly one of the most impatient people I know…as I reflected on my lack of wisdom on the subject, I suddenly thought of the most patient person I know…

photo by Jaime Prewitt

Hint: it's not the gal on the left! ;)

I knew my husband was a patient man before I married him, but now as I live life daily with my love, I am in awe of even how much more patient he is than I first realized. I’ve talked a bit about our adventures in waiting in regards to his possible new job opportunity, and while yes, that obviously affects me and my choices, it is truly my husband’s daily journey…to wait for something he is unsure will happen, to have faith and be productive while waiting for something he is by no means guaranteed.

The love of my life uses his Yahweh-given patience with me on a daily basis. I am a firecracker of sorts when I need to vent my emotions, and I’m sure talking to me sometimes is no picnic. He always listens so deeply and speaks with such wisdom at just the right time. He is patient when...
I don’t follow through,
when I’m late,
when I worry too much,
when I’m forgetful,
when I’m the queen of impatience...

the list could (and often does :) go on and on...

So often god shows me through him that patience is indeed a virtue, and one I’m sorely lacking. I’m so grateful that my husband’s patience is infused with grace. I have no doubt I will learn a million things from him in our lifetimes, but one of the deepest, truest gifts I can hope to glean from him is the Spirit's fruit of patience.

For this printable, kindly download here to obtain it from it's proper source.. it's a nifty jpg with other colorful versions to boot!

“A waiting person is a patient person. The word patience means the willingness to stay where we are and live the situation out to the full in the belief that something hidden there will manifest itself to us.”

― Henri J.M. Nouwen

Day 24...Daily Gratitudes and A Happy List Update...

2011-10-24T13:25:00.004-05:00

I've spoken of my best friend's version of 1000 gifts and gratitude pages earlier in this post series aptly titled The Happy List. I could probably blog everyday with various entries from the ones I've journaled over the years. I used to make a point of entering highlights from my current HL on this blog, but realized I've gotten away from it recently. It is has been without a doubt a vital tool in the Active Waiting journey. Without further ado, let me remedy this situation:

Rehearsing Christmas carols in October.

Attending my first ever professional football game with new friends and the Love of my Life...at Jerry's Death Star - I mean the new Cowboys stadium. The Cowboys played (and won against! :) ) the St. Louis Rams. A fine first it was indeed...

Making perfectly carmelized onions in under 15 minutes.

The process of writing everyday and the discipline it instills in me.

Waking up to cloudy, rainy skies in Texas!

A warm Starbucks mocha on a chilly fall afternoon.

"I associate libraries with old churches - which only makes sense, I suppose, for in both places one finds a quiet kind of reverence and 'people of the book'." --author Sarah Arthur

"I am determined to practice deep listening. I am determined to practice loving speech." --Thich Nhat Hanh

"In Me, you are never a mess - you are made new. In Me, you are never wrecked -- you are rescued. In Me, you are never a loser -- you are lavished in love." --GOD (paraphrase by Ann Voskamp)

"You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view - until you climb into his skin and walk around in it. --Atticus French in "To Kill A Mockingbird"

Morning devotions outside on my yoga mat.

When getting my thyroid rechecked at the doctor's office, I had lost 3 pounds.

While spending time with loved ones in Wichita, having a moment with 4 generations of my family in one room. My grandmother, my uncle, myself & my brother, and his beautiful daughter Ella - sooo thankful!

Deliciously fragrant dryer sheets

Planning my upcoming Blessings Unlimited gathering this weekend!

"I struggle to write about God and God's love, knowing that I am totally inadequate, and yet feeling called to proclaim a love so marvelous that it can only be wondered at and rejoiced in with delight." --author Madeleine L'Engle in "Penguins & Golden Calves"

Linking up with fellow bloggers today - Ann , Michelle and Jen in gratitude and thanksgiving amidst my 31 Days Series of Active Waiting...perhaps join us today in proclaiming thanks for grace and gifts?

This is Day 24 in a series of posts, kindly look to the right sidebar and (if they randomly appear :) below for more days in the series? Delightfully joining over 700 other bloggers on this journey!

Days 21, 22 & 23...An Update, Waiting Defiance and A Pep Talk...

2011-10-24T11:38:00.003-05:00

I know. Really, I know. I can't even comment about it anymore...I get fed up with writing about waiting, and instead of coming up with a wanting-it-to-be-really-cool-but-conceeding-its-kind-of-lame post at the last minute, I get defiant, and don't write a post. Then I follow up said behavior the next day with feeling guilty about it, and read some of the blogs belonging to all the other 700 bloggers doing this project who keep up with their daily writing. Cue then another wave of guilt and indifference...

Welcome to my procrastinating ways, people... :)

I have an small update regarding my waiting progress.
I got the most un-lovely piece of email an actor likes to receive...
yep, you got it - the rejection letter.

After my not so amazing audition for a local opera company, in which I proceeded to blank out on the words to a popular Italian opera aria that's been in my repertoire for over 10 years (translation: it's like someone forgetting the words to The Sound of Music's 'Do,Re,Mi' at a musical theatre audition), I received a "just not enough room for you, thank you for auditioning, but....NO THANKS) email.

Someone once told me the quote: "If your not being rejected, you're not reaching far enough"

I hope he was only talking about auditioning, and not about life. If that's a true statement, then I've done amazingly this audition season. I've blanked out twice in auditions (something I've never done before), and received 4 rejections in the past 2 months...In New York City, where one auditions more than that in a week, and you have numerous audition opportunities, that would be not such a big deal. However, in the DFW area, if you have3 or 4 auditions for theatre work in a 2 month period, that's sadly considered a ton of auditions, and to continually botch these few and far between opportunities is discouraging to say the least. Of course, given that my husband and I will most likely be leaving for a short period of time, and I hopefully will be returning to school for a semester or two, I shouldn't be saddened by this - it would seem the Big G has other short term plans for me. But whether you have a chance to create art on the stage once, or perhaps 8 times in a year, any chance that is dashed to do so makes this gal a bit melancholy.

When I lived in New York and on the east coast, and auditioning and performing was my full time profession, I remember having the tenacity and strength of a Marine (ok, perhaps that's just selective memory, but I honestly did try :)...I did my best to keep on trudging through the dry spells, remembering my rejection had no bearing of the worth of my talent, and happily anticipating the next audition challenge around the corner... I suppose age, a few hard knocks, a couple of extra pounds (let's not forget the image based business/society we live with), and the lack of constant community with my fellow performers has worn me down a bit...

But I'm nothing if not doggedly determined...

This Active Waiting journey is again reminding me to stay the course, continue my training, be excited for the next audition, and remember one of the most important lessons I learned. My favorite teachers and fellow acting professionals have always said the best artists are the one who have full lives. While they may eat and sleep singing and acting, they are careful to have a full and active life away from their profession, so as to not only obviously to keep their lives richly varied and full, (and keep perspective and proper balance in their life & work) but to help add the necessary depth and color to their art when they are given chances to do it.

I don't know when my next performing opportunity in theatre will come. But I know I will continue to embrace my wonderful God given circumstances, coach often and diligently with my teachers, and look forward to my future auditions - whether there's one in a few weeks, or not for many months. And what a wonderful opportunity to practice Active Waiting in a happy and fruitful way!

source:lauragoins.blogspot.com

Day 20...When Waiting Yields More Than You Dreamed...

2011-10-20T23:49:00.006-05:00

"One day, you'll meet someone who will make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else." --Unknown

photo by Jaime Prewitt

One area of my life where I have felt like an expert in waiting has been my love life. For many years, I had a deeply rooted and misplaced identity in finding a husband/soulmate/life partner as my deepest and most important desire...Of course, I wouldn't tell anyone that was the case. For a long time, I pretended like my relationship with God was the most important thing...and while I always wanted it to be, if I was honest, finding my husband was what I wanted more than anything. While I have always known that falling in love and marrying is a beautiful and wonderful gift from God, my desire for it became distorted, all consuming, and carefully veiled, lest someone discover that I wanted it so much more than I would admit. Unfortunately, more than once God gave me incredible opportunities in my career and circumstances, and I turned them away in lieu of a relationship that most always didn't work out for one reason or another.

I am not proud of this fact, but it is the truth. I had to spend many years wrestling with God (a la 'Jacob-style in the Bible :) to come to a place of peace and healing. After many, many years, I finally understood that falling in love is an amazing and incredible thing, but it is not the only thing. It sounds like a cliche, but the moment I was finally at peace with my relationship with God being my focus and joy......

.......God brought my husband into my life.

I'll be talking more in future posts about my incredible husband and our story that was worth every single second of waiting - for both of us. :)

Waiting For YouKindly click the arrow for this post's soundtrack. ("Waiting For You" by Matthew West)

(scroll down to the bottom of the page and hit pause on the playlist below)

photo by the.BEST.wedding.photographer.ever :) Jennifer Sosa

photo: Jen Sosa

I have found the one whom my soul loves

- Song of Solomon 3:4

This is day 20 in a series of posts - "31 Days of Active Waiting"...kindly look to the right side bar for previous posts.

Day 19...Another Playlist For Waiting...Active or Not

2011-10-19T13:39:00.004-05:00

Before clicking on any youtube videos, kindly scroll to the bottom of the page to click pause on the playlist...

Mat Kearney - Wait (Good quality artist, new song to my ears)

Wait - Grey's Anatomy cast singfest (Some may find it cheesy, but they all can sang, and I'm a fan :)

Wait - The Beatles (Didn't even know the Beatles did a tune with that title...)

Wait - Sarah McLachlan (This lady wrote a lot of the soundtrack to my college years :)

Wait - Death Cab For Cutie (does anyone else think this is one of the weirdest band names ever? :)

Wait - Marvin Sapp (Because gospel does a soul some good :)

Wait - Sweeney Todd (It's a crazy show, yes, but Sondheim knows how to write a tune :)

Susan Tedeschi - Wait (Shall we round out the playlist with a spot of blues? :)

I have always been delighted at the prospect of a new day, a fresh try, one more start, with perhaps a bit of magic waiting somewhere behind the morning.
--J.B. Priestley

This is day 19 in a series of posts...kindly look to the right for a link to the last few days...and perhaps join us back here tomorrow as we continue the series? We're also linking up today with "Imperfect Prose"...I realize this post is full of music and very little words, but if you look, you'll find little bits of imperfection all over this post...and I have the firm belief as a musician that music is prose to my ears and food to my soul...

Day 18...Evolving Blog Titles and Not Waiting For Comments

2011-10-18T15:49:00.001-05:00

I know it looks like I've been blogging for awhile. If you look back at my previous posts, they date back as far as 2008....

But the purpose for my blog has most definitely evolved and changed...in my mind at least. :)

     In the past few years, the blog world has literally exploded, and for many people it is now their business and livelihood.   People have readerships of hundreds of thousands, ads running on their sidebars by other bloggers, giveaways, linky parties...it's like a whole new world!
     I first signed up for the blogland adventure to tell my story of travelling to China whe I was performing in a tour of the musical "The Sound of Music" as a nun - among other characters.   This blog's first title was "Confessions of A Protestant Nun" - probably my most witty title I have to admit. :) I think it was a time I did some of my most honest writing in this place...I didn't try to edit, filter, or think of any certain reader or audience. I simply told my story and posted pics of my adventures...Looking back, it was such a wonderful time -even if sometimes it didnt feel that way. I was free to go anywhere, and and for the most part, I did...as far as the other side of the world...

     However, all good things must come to an end, and when the economy tanked in a major way late that summer, I found myself back in Dallas (where all my belongings were stored in a small storage unit) - jobless and looking for a place to live. Through God's gracious provision and the kindness of church community and new friends, I set myself up in a home with new roommates, and found myself working at a vet clinic, learning to be a vet tech. It was an incredible change in my life, and I was suddenly out of anything that resembled a familiar setting.   Though I had worked with animals previously in training situations, I had never worked in a clinical environment. Looking back, it was also an amazing learning experience and God ordained journey.   At the time I was terrified and felt ridiculously misplaced as I went through culture shock of coming back home to American living after being in a bubble of eastern culture. Once again, I coped by writing, and changed the blog title to "From Pearls to Scrubs"... I didn't care whether anyone read it (and I don't know if anyone really even did), but I poured out my heart and soul and feelings as I got used to a life I didn't expect to return to.     Then life began to happen, as it so often does, and I began to experience some difficulties with my health and personal relationships...I fled the presence of my blog, and continued writing only in my journal. In a short span of 2 years, so much has transpired...

     I've suddenly found myself in 2011 living in another city (well, technically - does Fort Worth from Dallas count? :), married to an incredible man when I had truly thought I would remain single, and displaced from my gypsy, nomadic life.   I've settled in a house in the suburbs, ready to craft a new life and seek the plan and purpose of my days by seeking God and learning to reinvent myself. Though there are opportunities to perform in the area, they are few and far between, and when they happen, they span a few weeks or perhaps a month - not the long contract of 6 to 8 months to 1 to 2 years as I'd experienced before touring on the road...
     I've suddenly found myself longing to return to my writing as I've done before...but now it's a new type of world on the internet, and blogs are a dime a dozen. I also find myself in - how shall I say - not perhaps as exciting circumstances as before.   Though I am probably happier than I've ever been, writing about the journey before me suddenly seems trite, simple and small...   I am reminded everyday by God and my loved ones that is not the truth, and the life I've been given is a pure gift, I just start to wonder as I write... who if anyone, reads this little piece of blog-land?...  Am I imparting grace and encouragement to others? Am I helping someone make sense of their journey and mess?
Is anybody out there??
Really??

   I'm embarrassed to say I've gotten caught up in trying to write to get a response, or comment...when that should be the last thing on my little writing mind... Every piece of my journey has led me to this moment, and the grace in my everyday life is a reminder...
whether in China, on the stage, or just on the treadmill - it's all a gift from God, and an interesting, living breathing story...

    I happened upon a blog yesterday that sent me such a beautiful message that I didn't think I needed to read, but really, I most truly did...Whether I'm blogging about actively waiting, or flying over Siberia, every moment is gift a life that's rich and full and blessed by God...

Whenever I think no one's reading, or that I wished someone was commenting on my words, I will read the passage below once again, smile, rest in contentment, and stay the course...

I used to think that the purpose of linking up with another blog was so that I could receive something -- more comments, more followers, higher stats. But God has shown me, instead, that linking up is an opportunity to give first. When I link my post, I want to people to be encouraged, to know that they aren't the only ones is a bad place or a good place or a whatever place. I want my posts to be a reflection of what God is doing in my life -- hard or easy. It is my way of saying, "Here I am. Walk with me." It's me extending a hand, reaching out. One never knows the life that can be changed with His Holy Spirit speaking through these keyboards. We cannot limit our voice or limit where our voice may be heard just because of the number of comments we have received. Even if only one person reads your post, that one person could be forever changed.

--Jen @ http://www.findingheaventoday.blogspot.com/

Thanks for the beautiful reminder Jen...there's alot more to be experienced in the Active Waiting process...might you continue to come along with me on the journey? And please read and browse this blog without feeling like you have to comment :) But I by no means want this post to scare you away from sharing your thoughts with me if you are so inclined! I'm a sociable creature by nature, and would love to hear about your story. Either way, I'm so glad you found your way here today...thanks for stopping by!

This is day 18 in a series of posts...look to the right sidebar to catch ones you've missed :)

Biblically, waiting is not just something we have to do until we get what we want. Waiting is part of the process of becoming what God wants us to be. – John Ortberg

Days 16 & 17...Waiting Catch Up, Blessings and Gratitude Pages

2011-10-17T17:29:00.002-05:00

I know, I know - This is the third time I've combined 2 days into 1 post because I'm frightfully behind...I hope you are still up for reading the series, my faithful friends. I know I've said it before, but having never posted a blog daily before - I've learned the hard way that Blogger is unforgiving when it comes to the timing of the posts. I would love to go ahead and write two full days worth to make up for the days I was absent, and put up 2 posts - one for each of the days they were due. However, I'm either not technically saavy enough to know the secret to doing that, or Blogger is unswervingly devoted to not allowing a post to come a day late... Yesterday's post simply wasn't ready yesterday, so today my friends, I present to you....

yet another 2-fer-1..... :)

Part of the reason I was not here yesterday was that (along with some much needed quality time with The Love of My Life, i.e. my Husband) I was hard at work on a new business venture I'm quite excited about...

I'm a new Blessings Unlimited consultant - to shop or join the adventure, click here

I was reading my new favorite blog this summer, and came across beautiful photos of home decor that caught my eye - not necessarily because it was just another beautiful photo or pretty piece, but because of the message in it's design. We are all attracted to beauty and beautiful things. (I may not have the interior decorating gene, but I sure surf the blogs of the bloggers that do :) But the thing that was wonderful in this decor to me was the eternal message. Anytime I find a home decor item, or picture, or journal with God's truth in it's design, I am glad that something beautiful is ultimately pointing to something greater and infinite - God's love for us and His care and blessings in our lives.

By Grace Alone

This is one of my favorite prints offered by Blessings Unlimited. (It also comes in your kit of products when you become a consultant.) It sets on my desk at home as a constant reminder to me when I become bogged down in projects and work...to internalize the truth God gives us - especially when we're venturing out into new territory in life or work, and begin to doubt the gifts and abilities we've been given...

I've never been one who thought they would enjoy selling something...people used to tell me I'd be good in sales, and quite frankly, I didn't know whether to be insulted or not. I always associated sales with pushy folks begging you to buy products you'd never need or use. I also knew I could never sell a product I didn't truly love. I needed to believe in the value of something that I spent my hard earned bucks on, and I was afraid I'd be perceived as the pushy obnoxious type.

Well thankfully, I am happy to report that through researching and learning more about the Blessings Unlimited company (a division of Dayspring), I discovered a wonderful community of hard working, kind people that truly have a heart of hospitality, service and joy in giving folks the opportunity to obtain good quality products with an eternal message of hope, love and grace.

I became a consultant late this summer, and I'm thrilled to be giving my first presentation locally to a group of women tomorrow night. I wish I could invite all of you in blog-land, but at the very least, click on the address below the fall catalog pic if you'd like to check out some of what Blessings has to offer:

click here to view and order the catalog contents

For those of you visiting the blog locally (in the Dallas/Fort Worth area), I'm hosting my own Blessings Unlimited gathering on Saturday, October 29th. Kindly contact me through the comments if you'd like more information on attending, or would like to chat with me about hosting a gathering of your own!

Blessings Unlimited is one of the things I am grateful for in my life as I continue to actively wait... Until my husband and I know whether or not we'll be briefly relocating our lives (see some previous Active Waiting posts for more of that story), I am unable to apply for work in one place or another. Blessings Unlimited is an opportunity to work from home, or wherever my future journeys may take me. This is a great opportunity if your a stay at home Mom, or even if you have a full time job, and just want a fun secondary income adventure. If this sounds like something you'd be interested in exploring, I'd love to give you more information. I'm sorry this sounds like a sales pitch - that's not the purpose of my blog - but I truly wouldn't be talking about it if it wasn't something I didn't think you'd enjoy too...

So much to enjoy this beautiful Monday!

As I write out the eucharisteo moments in my life today, I'm taking time to see all of the pages that I've accrued since last June in my Gratitude journal. I've always kept what I call a "Happy List" along with my regular journal, inspired by my best friend, where I could write not just 'happy' things, but anything that moves my soul to understanding, wisdom, love, light and inspiration... I started adding to that list by keeping these pages. I'm grateful to have a record of all of the gifts - the good and the hard - that living the life God gives brings to us.

I keep a notebook as a gratitude journal with bits and pieces of my Holy Experience - all sorts of delightful resources and inspiration from my favorite blog

Whether you choose to write it down or not, would you perhaps consider the moments of grace and thanks you experience along the way?

This is the 17th day in the 31 Days series of posts...check the side bar to the right for previous days, perhaps join the journey of active waiting? Click the link and discover over 700 other blogger's series of 31 Days

Day 15...Take A Break From the Waiting

2011-10-15T17:39:00.001-05:00

Today's a most beautiful fall day here in the land of Texas...

We had one of the most blazing hot summers ever recorded this year - seriously, I thought I was living on the surface of the sun! I begged the Lord for cooler temperatures, changing leaves, and the gift of another season...

I waited out the delirious summer, and I'm happy to report that...

fall is here at last!

So for this reason, (and perhaps a few more), I am taking a break from the waiting (on this blog at least) to enjoy the gift of the day....

And so should you!

Though I will continue to enjoy the days of fall, I'll be back here tomorrow to continue our blog series,

So get off the computer, take a break from the waiting...and have an adventure or two....I dare ya!!!

"Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known."

--Carl sagan

Day 14...The Waiting Place and Beautiful Buttons...

2011-10-14T23:43:00.006-05:00

As a high school graduation gift, one of my dearest friend's parents (thank you Connie and Phil!) gave me a book. A book that is now synonymous with new beginnings and fresh dewy faces beginning their trudge into the great big world...

"Oh The Places You'll Go"

I hadn't touched the book in years until the other day when my beautiful (and well read :) friend Julie reminded me of a passage in it's pages I had long since forgotten...

It would seem even as children we are instructed on waiting...

In Dr. Seuss' tale, it is referred to as "a most useless place"...

...I read the stanzas, and pick out my waiting places...

the phone to ring...

for a yes or no...

the mail to come...

Another Chance...

Although I know that is so often how it feels, those things that we're waiting for can become the tools God uses to not only bring us closer to Him, but to help grow us into the person we need to become for that next step...

At the beginning of this 31 Days series, I was overwhelmed and daunted with not only the topic of finding 31 days worth of material but facing the day in and day out experience of waiting...and here I find myself on Day 14 more Active than ever...learning, growing and experiencing adventures I never expected and meeting fellow pilgrims and kindred spirits along the way. :)

Which brings me to some delightful new additions to my blog:

I was directed to my new friend Melanie's blog through the links to all of the other 31 Days posts...her beautiful blog button caught my eye, and after a first read, I have been keeping up with her posts in her delightful series: 31 Days to Loving Your Neighbor. I soon discovered that she is a most wonderful blog and blog button designer. After exchanging a not-so-few emails about the details and design I was looking for, she created the two most delightful blog buttons a girl could ask for! She was so kind and patient with my curiosities and hope for design, and quick and efficient as ever - it was designed and delivered to me in one day - today! (I realize of course I'm a little late with obtaining my 31 Days button 14 days into my post...but hey, better late than never I always say! And anything so delightfully blue can do nothing but add some cuteness to my piece of blog-land :) If you have blog design dreams - please head over to her website and take a look - her work speaks for itself and her rates are extremely reasonable!

I especially love the button she created just for my blog specifically...The original title of my blog is not the one I have now...but since I'm no longer a touring actress and being a newlywed has since nixed the old nickname of 'Protestant Nun' - I'm pleased to now have a creative and colorful image to add to this bloggy journal of sorts...If you'd like, you'll find the button and it's code to the right should you like to add it to your blogroll list of other bloggy homes...

I am blessed that my blogging journey has turned the waiting place from useless to useful, and I look forward to the adventures that continue to lie ahead!

"Somehow you'll escape

all that waiting and staying.

You'll find the bright places

where Boom Bands are playing.

So...

be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray

or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,

you're off to Great Places!

Today is your day!

Your mountain is waiting.

So...get on your way!

--Dr. Seuss, "Oh The Places You'll Go!"

Day 13...When I Just Need To Persevere...

2011-10-13T08:43:00.000-05:00

I've already stated more than once in my "31 Days" posts that this series is not so easy for me...but I've also come to realize it's not really the writing everyday part of the process that's so difficult...

it's the subject matter...

Because though Active Waiting can be more productive and good for the soul than one might think, the day to day grind of it can be ...

hard....tedious...monotonous...precarious...mundane.....blah...

As an update to those of you who've read the earlier posts:

I still haven't heard any word on my opera audition...This is not surprising in the least, as casting decisions in professional productions can sometimes take weeks, if not months. Quite frankly, I'm glad I haven't heard anything yet...for now, I'm not out of the race...
My husband and I continue to sit and wait in limbo-land regarding future job locations...We are thankful for where we are, and at peace no matter the outcome, but the hardest part simply lies in the waiting.... Until my husband knows the direction he will take, I can not firm up any plans or adventures in the job world, schooling or otherwise...I wait, I plan, I pray, I continue to be productive in all of the other areas of my life that I can tend to...but at the end of the day...

I'd just love some answers...

I know the Lord will surely direct my steps in His own perfect timing. As cliched and simple as it must sound to the non-believer--and honestly, myself at this point--I know this is the very moment when the Lord wants me to hold tight, remain steadfast and expectant, and as my wonderful Godmother would say, stay the course.

God's Word is full of Scriptures that I've read multiple times in various situations that speak to my circumstances right now. As I read them again, I smile and sense God reminding me that they are more than cliched phrases, or kind sentiments.

They are truth.

They are reminders to me-- from The One who knows my every thought better than I do-- that He understands how I feel, is glad I have pledged to stay active in the process, and knows the best and most beautiful plan for my life. And He fully intends to implement those plans in my life when He deems fit...

And not a second before then...

Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, "This is the way, walk in it. Isaiah 30:21

You crown the year with Your goodness, And Your paths drip with abundance. Psalm 65:11

We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps. Proverbs 16:9

The daily practice of walking out Active Waiting calls me to persevere...and for this I am ever grateful!

Perseverance is a positive, active characteristic. It is not idly, passively waiting and hoping for some good thing to happen. It gives us hope by helping us realize that the righteous suffer no failure except in giving up and no longer trying. We must never give up, regardless of temptations, frustrations, disappointments, or discouragements.”

Joseph P. Wirthlin

Day 12...Whether you're waiting or not today, remember...

2011-10-12T12:52:00.006-05:00

source: weheartit.com via pinterest

source: fromportlandtopeonies.blogspot.com

source:shobematt.tumblr.com via pinterest

source: everythingfab.com via pinterest

source: allthingselegant.tumblr.com

source: beriablogs.com

source: flickr.com via pinterest

8)

source: be-the-change.tumblr.com via pinterest

"...If it seems slow, wait patiently, for it will surely take place.
It will not be delayed..."
--Habbakkuk 2:3

This is the twelfth day of a 31 Days series... scroll down to read previous posts, or also see the feed of the most recent posts in this series to the right...

Today we're steppin' out and linking to two beautiful blog communities below....

Find us linked in at Ann Voskamp's beautiful blog - take a read, perhaps link up your own post, and experience the joy of walking with Him today?

Today is our first Wednesday to link up here...take a look at some fun giveaways, and perhaps check out some new blog communities?

Day 11...What I'm Learning and The Glass Half Full

2011-10-11T13:18:00.003-05:00

I've never written a blog for 31 days straight...I knew this exercise would be a challenge for me the moment I signed up...especially with the topic I've chosen. And while that is a great thing - to be moved forward past your point of comfort to unknown places where you can learn and grow - the day I feared of these 31 days has surprised me by coming quicker than I anticipated...

What do I say next?

Though I've blogged before as a travelling actress, it really was only to narrate my specific adventures to do with acting...Blogging daily not only about your life, but your thoughts, philosophies, questions, and musings is not as easy and whimsical you might first think...However, whether or not my words are read by one person, or more than a handful, it's very rewarding...We live in an incredible time period where we can write whatever is on our minds, and with a simple click of the button, send it out into the Internet universe for any ones eyes to see... This daily exercise is not for the faint of heart....

I am most definitely still in the thick of the active waiting process in my everyday life...And I must say it is a wonderful exercise to see the beauty in every moment .... I'm still waiting regarding the audition and my husband's job prospects I blogged about a few posts ago - but instead of mulling over the moments and wondering with worry, I'm thrilled to say this writing adventure is making these moments I live anything but sluggish and stagnant.

Active waiting is helping me and my life experience in little ways each day.

I'm learning to:

continue the practice of taking in each moment as a glorious gift
be content right where I am
delight more in my daily devotional time
worry less.
be grateful for the gift of things moving slowly, instead of frantically trying to rush them and worry about the outcome...

I delight in saying....

http://www.bedifferentactnormal.com/2011/04/glass-is-half-full-free-printable.html

Kindly download this printable from the link above - I like to give credit where credit is due :)

What are you waiting for today? And what are you learning while you wait for it?

Resources for today's active waiting:

The Path of Waiting by Henri Nouwen - a lovely little gem of a book

The Waiting Room by Shane & Shane - a great song with some mighty fine guitar strummin'

"We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us."

Joseph Campbell

Day 10...A Playlist to Feed Your Soul and Monday's Gratitude

2011-10-10T13:44:00.004-05:00

For a good part of my life, I have been a musician...whether I'm researching music for an onstage role, travelling the miles and needing some musical inspiration, or just living life (down in the doldrums/estatically in love/restless in the moment/walking through challenges/gloriously happy/actively waiting) I love musical playlists. Really, really lurve them... The joy of discovering new songs that speak to my innermost being, teach me something, remind me of something I've already learned, or just plum speak to my soul...well, they just makes me soul happy. If I'm reading a blog or a book, and there's a playlist to check out, color me golden - I'm there!

So, in light of our our 31 Days together, I've compiled a short playlist of tunes to groove along to in the active waiting process. (When listening to the youtube clips, kindly scroll down to the bottom of the blog to the music player and hit pause)...Even if you don't find yourself waiting on something, I hope these songs will deliver some joy and grace to your moments....I thank God everyday for the gift of music, and the beauty is we're only grazing the top of whip cream in the cappuccino with this list...there's more to come...

A Playlist for Waiting...

Love is Waiting - Brooke Fraser

Waiting On The World To Change - John Mayer

I Will Wait For You There - Phil Wickham

The World Awaits - Ryanhood

Waiting In Vain - Annie Lennox & Steven Lipson

Waiting To Be Found - Ashton, Becker, Dente

Waiting Here For You - Christy Nockels

So grateful for music amidst the waiting process, and the gratitude that moves in my heart when I listen...

What are songs that you 'wait' to? What are ways you stay grateful in your moment of waiting?

"When a piece enters the soul of a man who knows music, autumn seems eternal from the terrace."

--Chen Hung-Shou

Days 8 & 9....Unexpected Bumps in the Road & Sitting Here In Limbo...

2011-10-09T23:56:00.005-05:00

I must ask for grace and forgiveness that this is yet another 2 day blog of the "31 Days" posts....

Please let me explain....
So, my husband and I went to Wichita just as planned...we stayed with my wonderful Aunties, ate the most tasty and filling chili ever, drank a refreshing margarita, and had wonderful laughs and stories to share....

Then...like the bubonic plague, (or something equally terrible), I awoke the next morning with a
sinus migraine...

For all of you fellow weary headacher sufferers, you know how painful those 2 words can be...I laid in bed the entire day Saturday, the pain in my head making me ill to the point of getting sick multiple times, becoming dehydrated, then finally taking a little trek to the urgent care facility nearby to get shots to control and (thankfully!) end the pain...

Today, (Sunday) I am happy to report all is well and I'm back to normal, but the setback of yesterday's debacle, travel and no Internet connection have all led to no time or means to post, and unfortunately, no writing moments until this brief one right now--scarcely a few moments shy of day 10...

For this reason, and perhaps a few more... I will leave you with this beautiful song that more adequately expresses my feeling of Active Waiting than I am incapable of writing for you in this moment...I have been influenced by this duo's music since I was knee high to a grasshopper, and discovered their volume of work in my Dad's CD library in California...I have returned to this song a few times through the years, when faced with moments like this...Her voice is exquisite, and his guitar playing is unmatched...
As I sit here in limbo, in the words of Tuck and Patti, I know that my faith will (surely and truly) lead me on...

Day 7...A printable to count the days and a trip to the Land of Oz

2011-10-07T20:49:00.006-05:00

So today, my husband and I are leaving for a trip to Wichita...my home town. Wichita is also a place associated very heavily with my circumstances and "active waiting" this year...

My husband has a possible job opportunity that would take him to Wichita, but nothing has been offered or is official as of yet. (Hence the slightly veiled secrecy here...) If we were to travel to Wichita, I would be closer to my sweet grandmother, and I would also be able to return to school and finish a degree I should have finished (and attempted to finish more than once, I'm afraid) long, long ago... Actually, as I type this, I realize "finished" is perhaps the wrong word...because I was trying to obtain a degree my college didn't have at the time, and now they actually do have that degree in place. Yes, I would be going back to school to "finish", but I would also be getting the degree I dreamed of getting in the first place...

Of course though, lest we forget, that will not be happening unless we find ourselves relocated for a temporary stay for my husband's employment....

Sooooo, as of now, we

w - a - i - t . . . . .

This whole predicament is truly why I even comtemplated this 31 Days series of blog posts...I knew my situation would be difficult to sit through, and I also knew the challenge of writing on a subject that's quite frankly a little bit uncomfortable - instead of warm and fuzzy and easy - would be good for my soul...as a writer, and especially as an artist...

So, once again, off we go - my dear husband and I - to the city that serendipitously connects us (more on that in another post) and holds a lifetime of my young memories in each street we drive through...

I will be posting more on our trip, and on the active waiting journey ~~God is putting me through~~ gifting me with. :)

A lovely view of the clouds in the open sky of Kansas, as my husband and I drove into town.

October has come around as a full circle month of "active waiting" for me... I found the beautiful printable calendar posted below on a fellow 31 Days" posts blogger! (Please visit her blog here and read her wonderful series, 31 Days to Love Your Neighbor

for a link to this beautiful printable (with or without the calendar), kindly click here to download directly from it's bloggy home...

I wait for the Lord,
my whole being waits,
and in His word I put my hope.
Psalm 130:5

Day 6...When the waiting makes you restless and you need some inspiration...

2011-10-06T23:39:00.005-05:00

You know...somedays I just don't have the words. When the active waiting grows to sizeable proportions, I like to take time out and take in words, music and beautiful images to recharge and feed my soul while I wait...they also help sustain the waiting process, keep me hungry for the next step, my purpose at hand, and act as reminders of the greater love that knits it all together...

http://lovequotesrus.tumblr.com/page/861

kindly push pause on the music player below, then let this one seep through you...good to the last drop...

“Waiting is essential to the spiritual life. But waiting as a disciple of Jesus is not an empty waiting. It is a waiting with a promise in our hearts that makes already present what we are waiting for. We wait during Advent for the birth of Jesus. We wait after Easter for the coming of the Spirit, and after the ascension of Jesus we wait for his coming again in glory. We are always waiting, but it is a waiting in the conviction that we have already seen God’s footsteps.

Waiting for God is an active, alert – yes, joyful – waiting. As we wait we remember him for whom we are waiting, and as we remember him we create a community ready to welcome him when he comes.” - Henri Nouwen

Day 5 ...When Active Waiting is a Holy Experience

2011-10-05T13:24:00.002-05:00

I found a blog this past June whilst reading the author's amazing/glorious/magnificent/poetical/genius/insert-your-favorite-happy-adjective-here book, A Thousand Gifts - A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are entitled A Holy Experience . I had never encountered a blog so beautiful and so rich with wisdom! I was fascinated that she wrote every single day, and peppered her entries with oodles of free printables and photographs that transplanted me instantly to her beautiful world - a farm in Canada. I quickly realized that she had thousands of followers (and by that, I mean men and women who read her blog - this isn't about some crazy cult practice here :) all over the world. She has been blogging for over 7 years - she is a beautiful success, yes - but she has paid her dues, amidst virtual pages and pages of beautiful prose and photos... No matter what she chooses to write, her entries are always saturated in God's beautiful grace, as she uses her gift of poetry to write luminous prose. I learn alot when I read her blog, but importantly, I am always pointed to God as the ultimate source of strength, grace and all good gifts. She writes Walk With Him Wednesdays (see blog button above) and today is the first Wednesday I've linked up with the beautiful community of fellow blogging kindreds - yet another reason I'm grateful for the 31 Days posts. The inspiration to actively join in the blogging/writing communities I have only read in silence for so long is liberating... I'm a newbie to writing in public places (my journal has held volumes of my writing dreams for years), but countless nudges from friends and fellow pilgrims is encouraging as I step out in faith and cut my writing teeth (so the speak :) with the keyboard, instead of my pen.

This morning, I started my day by taking my yoga mat outside under a solid shady tree in our backyard. I brought my Bibles (multiple translations because I geek out like that :), my current Bible study, my journal and various books I'm working through to enrich my devotional time. As the breeze blew, I drank my coffee, and yes, drank in the Word of God, and various pieces of wisdom. My non-believeing friends may not understand this, but I absolutely adore and cherish my quiet moments of study and devotion. I don't hear audible moments of God's speaking, but I'm always amazed how He confirms things He wants to say to me by bringing me to the same message in various books and Scriptures. For example, this weekend, God kept helping me find my way to Isaiah 49:16 where He tells us He holds us in the palm of His hands... (I blogged about this a few days earlier). I was in a completely different book, and then separate devotional, and the writer's instruction for a quiet exercise was thus:

"Picture the size of God's hands - wider than the billions of light-years that make up the expanse of the heavens and large enough to hold all the waters and the dust of the earth. This is the God who lives within you." --Tricia McCary Rhodes

I then read through passages of Daniel, study notes, then more passages of Isaiah, Psalms and finally some journaling. I closed my eyes and prayed silent words to God, thanking Him for all of the work He's doing in my life as I wait on Him for continued direction.

Active waiting on God is always A Holy Experience...

"To wait open-endedly is an enormously radical attitude toward life. So is to trust that something will happen to us that is far beyond our imaginings. So, too, is giving up control over our future and letting God define our life, trusting that God moulds us according to God’s love and not according to our fear. The spiritual life is a life in which we wait, actively present to the moment, trusting that new things will happen to us, new things that are far beyond our own imagination, fantasy, or prediction. That, indeed, is a very radical stance toward life in a world preoccupied with control. - Henri J. M. Nouwen"

This is part of a series of 31 Days....posts. Over 700 bloggers are linked up here with a bevy of creative topics. May I humbly ask you continue to stop by here daily and kindly follow this blog by clicking on the tab above and to the right?

Day 4.... Inspiring Words and an Opera Audition

2011-10-04T11:50:00.004-05:00

I read the quote pictured above, and immediately knew I had to include it at the top of today's entry before you read any of my words, thoughts, pictures or prayers. Because it is so true....

I think it speaks to Active Waiting in a succinct, honest and inspiring way...It also speaks to me in regards to writing, and to my other creative passions that have been a part of my everyday life for years now....acting and singing.

Today I have an audition for a small local opera company.... ~~A short time ago~~ (Ok, let's just be honest here :) many years ago, I was a classical voice music major in college. I began my training in opera, and for about a year and a half, was extremely passionate and devoted to the craft. I read autobiographies of all of my favorite singers, spent countless hours in the music library listening to recordings of my favorite arias sung by those favorite singers, and sat at the feet (so to speak) of my amazing voice teacher as he told of his own operatic adventures across the country and overseas... It all sounded so romantic, so foreign to anything I'd experienced growing up in Kansas. And I'd never had any kind of singing talent to speak of. I was the quiet girl (I know, my friends still don't believe me here, but I do have some introverted tendencies :) behind the piano, accompanying choirs and my other very talented singer friends...

But when I was 18, an incredible teacher found a voice in me that I truly didn't know I had....I still can't remember what he said or did to make me suddenly sing scales with much more volume, power and depth than I did all of those years in high school choir, but He recognized a gift God had given me that I hadn't known or heard before, and for that, I am forever grateful...

I was his student the first year of my vocal studies (Which at the time, in our music school was just a little bit rebellious to be a then voice major taking voice from a graduate student instead of faculty. He was there to finish his degree to teach...and teach he has indeed - he has been on the staff of one of the most prestigious vocal schools - Cinncinnati Conservatory of Music - for many years, and left to do so right after my first year of training with him :)

As I went into my 2nd and 3rd years of vocal study, I started to realize my first and truest passion wasn't opera at all. Though I loved singing it (and still do), I didn't love listening to it nearly as much as musical theatre. Here was a theatrical medium which actually combined all of my favorite things about performing - beautiful music and singing, but also smart and realistic acting in a beautiful theatre setting. While performing opera, I had grown weary of every sound coming out of my mouth as the only important thing, and I longed to perform where my acting and service to the character work was just as important. (Now please hear me here - don't get me wrong, I hear from my amazing opera colleagues that their world is changing, and it's now very important to be an actor in an opera as well... That is also part of the beauty and uniqueness that opera holds for most people, and I learned so much about myself as a musican and artist pursuing study of it) I ended up adding a theatre minor to my voice degree, and tried to perform in a musical every small chance I got between our 2 annual opera productions at school...

My senior year of college, our department did an incredible production of "Sweeney Todd" (where I played one of my dream roles, The Beggar Woman) that was lifechanging for me, because I decided at that point, that musical theatre was my passion and would be my focus. (I will be blogging about this subject more in detail later in the month).

However, that same year, we also did a glorious production of "The Marriage of Figaro" where I was grateful to play the role of Cherubino.

This brings me to today...literally.

I decided a few months ago to dust off the cobwebs of my operatic training and enjoyment, and audition for a small local opera company here in Fort Worth. I'm planning to sing one of the character Cherubino's arias, "Voi, che sapete" because honestly, it's the only Italian aria I feel I know in any capacity, and they are looking for chorus members for this very show this season. I am also thrilled to be having my first voice lesson/coaching with a local vocal professor before my audition, in the hopes that he can continue to dust those aforementioned cobwebs off of the italian diction and vocal technique I studied so diligently so many years ago.

After you complete an audition, you must partake in some pretty active waiting (i.e. forget about the details of the audition, and try to go along as normal while you wait to hear whether or not you were chosen for the job, move on in the moment God gives you while being grateful for the audition opportunity whether you booked the job or not) To the non-performer/artist, this doesn't sound difficult, but trust. me. it most certainly can be.

I'll end this post with an incredible recording of "Voi, che sapete" by the amazing and exsquisite artist, mezzo-soprano Joyce Didonato...I don't normally get to say such things, but I had the privilege of going to college with her, and studying in her vocal studio. She was a senior when I was a freshman, and every week she sang in master class, I was transfixed and inspired. I looked up to her a great deal, more than I ever told her, and always knew she was going to be a great singer. .Apparently, I didn't realize how great, a year or two ago, as I wished her blessings and congrats on facebook through a casual message. Curious to see how her career was going, I looked at her fantastic website (click on the link in this sentence and be inspired by her artistry!) then googled her, and realized she has become a true operatic star of our generation! (I did not, and still only occasionally dapple in the news of the opera world, so this was a wonderful surprise and delight for me - she is the most down to earth and beautiful person you could find, and I'm so thrilled for her successes). I don't post her recording to try and copy/pirate it in any way. I love this beautiful song, and will enjoy singing it today immensely, but her extraordinary voice and interpretation is the version you should hear and learn from - and hey, anything written by Mozart is an enjoyable classical music moment as far as I'm concerned...

So, say some prayers for me today as you read this blog - as I travel back to my musical past in this audition...and that whether or not I am asked to be a part of this opera chorus, I will learn from, enjoy and be grateful for another audition experience.

"When words leave off, music begins..." --Heinrich Heine

Day 3 - A Prayer Retreat- Part Two

2011-10-03T23:20:00.005-05:00

I woke up on Saturday to the cool breeze through the cabin window and the light of the sunrise... We had to be in bed the night before by 11 -somewhat early for me, I'll admit - so we could meet in the common room for worship and devotions by 8am...

   Usually waiting on the Lord, listening for His voice in solitude, silence & prayer can be, well, for me...sometimes painful. Or at least not as tranquil and inviting as it was this weekend...   This prayer retreat weekend was a mere 24 hour period where the Lord most definitely met me... and met me in a most glorious peaceful and comforting manner.
    Many times God calls our active waiting to be something to press through. Today's entry, however, is about those precious gems-of- days the active waiting is a treasure, a lovingly drench God-gift that you can only praise and thank Him for as much as your breath and mind will allow...

   After breakfast of yogurt and a homemade scone, worship songs, and a short testimony of the power of prayer, I set out for hours alone with the Lord... The air had a brisk and delightful chill that we here in Texas have been yearning for every day of our drought filled summer. I set out with my yoga mat, journal, Bible and a joyful spirit...

I came upon a beautiful clearing where the view of the valley that was breathtaking....

the sounds of the rushing creek were more glorious that music... I had been listening to worship music on my prayer walk, but I soon turned everything off to listen to the music of God's creation. I closed my eyes, lifted my prayers to the Lord, and felt the sun warm my face, as I then began to study the Word of God, and journal my prayers, thoughts and joy as fast as my fingers could move...

"When I pray, therefore, I shouldn't ask 'God give me a sign', but rather, 'God, give me sight', because this is what I really seek."

--Mark. E. Thibodeaux, The Armchair Mystic

The word of God leaped off of the page, as I continued to sing and worship the Lord. I wanted to stop and ask Him things about my life, pour out my questions, beg for answers to the difficult questions, but I sensed the Lord letting me know my active waiting on Him that morning was to bask in the lavishness of His Love and Grace, and the perfect Peace He alone gives to those that seek Him. The delightful gift of multiple references to the same Scripture came to surface, first in Scripture, then in devotional books I was reading...

....I will not forget you! (Thank you Lord, for the exclamation point on the end of that sentence :)

See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.

--Isaiah 49:16

(dayspring block art)

The time with the Lord was indeed so sweet, and as I sat rocking in the beautiful chairs on our deck overlooking the breathtaking view, I listened to the songs of worship, and read words of some of my favorite authors, and others that were new recommendations from new friends...All wonderful resources, should you ever plan your own prayer retreat. Of course a Bible, a journal and a seeking heart are essential, but perhaps one of the resources below will help you in your journey?...

Worship: Divine Romance by Phil Wickham

Revelation Song by Kari Jobe

The Real Jesus by downhere

Books: Armchair Mystic - Easing Into Contemplative Prayer by Mark E. Thibodeaux

One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp

Sacred Chaos - Spiritual Disciplines for the Life You Have by Tricia McCleary Rhodes

Sacred Rhythms - Arranging Our Lives for Spiritual Transformation by Ruth Haley Barton

Not every moment of Active Waiting is as loving and grace filled as my first prayer retreat....but I will cherish the experience and thank the Lord for the gift of His presence...through nature, through solitude and silent prayer, through the community of new friends who are sisters in Christ, and through His Word.

I will extol the Lord at all times;

His praise will always be on my lips.

My soul will boast in the Lord;

let the afflicted hear and rejoice.

Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt His name together.
Psalm 34: 1-2

31 Days... Days 1 & 2 --Prayer Retreats and double the wait...

2011-10-02T23:32:00.003-05:00

     I am absolutely thrilled to be committed to the 31 days blog project...there are over 600 bloggers linked up and writing alongside each other on this project.

      To be honest I was not, however, thrilled with the topic I'd landed on...I have spent some time waiting in my life...waiting in limbo on a job decision...a relationship that I thought I could salvage (that most of the time I should have left) ...and of course, the most important, waiting on God.    How could I write about waiting as related to my thoughts and experiences and still have it be readable? Engaging by any stretch of the imagination? Because waiting is usually a word that brings anxious thoughts to a person's mind...or perhaps boredom...or discomfort. "Ah, I can relate to that topic...but aren't there more fun and exciting, even luxurious topics to be read?" So many of the other blog buttons/blogs/topics sounded delectably like the kind of blog reading I crave - redecorating a room of the house, or warm fuzzy quotes delivered on a beautiful free printable? (Well, I'll be doing my best to find some of those for you too...but more on that in a bit).    And believe me, I will be reading all of those blogs happily...and you should too.

    But the Lord was good in reminding of my current circumstances, and how much I could learn through this process....so I amended the title to....Active Waiting. It seems to have more life and motion, and I'm listening to my blog writers/inspirations who advise to be as specific as possible to aid in the writing process....
   This entry will be two-fold, as I was at a prayer retreat this weekend, with no internet signal, and access to post my first days entry...We haven't even been writing a week, and already I'm ~~procrastinating and missing writing deadlines~~   waiting to post the first entry! Please grant me forgiveness and grace, O phantom readers...:)

This past weekend was so eloquently timed in my life to bring so much inspiration to my new activity of active waiting. I had never been on a prayer retreat...I've read about them on other blogs, and heard friends who work in ministry wax eloquently on and on about how much they fed their souls when they would go away for a weekend or sometimes more to hear from God. I've always wanted to go away to a beautiful place of solitude where my sole focus was prayer and silence to better hear God...but when your an actor usually working 2 to 3 jobs to stay afloat, that usually stays a sweet dream....until now.
The Lord in His goodness has brought my husband and I to a wonderful church in Fort Worth where the women's ministry holds not 1, but 2 prayer retreats for women a year. I left Friday afternoon with my wonderful new friend Kathy and the retreat started with dinner and time of worship and devotion in community. We were at a beautiful retreat center about an hour away, and the cool fall air, the view of creation, and the loving spirits of the women all added to the sweet spiritual aroma of peace as we prepared ourselves to spend many hours alone, in prayer...

After a short time of food, worship and a short devotion, we were left to ourselves in the beautiful night full of stars to begin spending time with the Lord...I laid down in the grass and stared up at the stars...thanking God over and over that He pursues a relationship with me in the vast infinite majesty of this universe. We were asked to turn out our cabin lights on time, so we could get up early enough to have many hours the next morning alone with God...I went to sleep looking forward to time alone to wait upon the Lord, and listen for His voice...

"I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning.."

31 Days and my First Prayer Retreat!

2011-09-30T09:21:00.003-05:00

After a few weeks engulfed in the trenches of tech rehearsals and a 2 week run of "The Sound of Music" at my glorious church (which I should definitely blog about at a later date)...I have returned invigorated, refreshed, and ready for the bloggy/writing challenge of the "31 Days" series....

Waiting

   I am now an avid reader of the blogs listed over yonder to the right under "inspiration"...and a few of them such as the gloriously talented anonymous nester and her sis Emily with the breathtaking blog whose book I'm devouring (Grace for the Good Girl - whether your good or not, run and snag a copy) are continuing a yearly series of 31 Days....i.e. writing on one topic for 31 days straight. Definitely scary, and ~~easy breezy~~ not as simple as it sounds, but oh-so-necessary for my closet writing ways to crawl out from the box and flesh themselves out.   I pondered for quite awhile, and though it doesn't sound like the most tintillating subject, God very plainly and clearly nudged me toward the topic I feared....31 days of Waiting...
     I know it sounds like it could possibly be boring, but I believe it will be anything but...and the possibilities to expound will hopefully be full of not only the angst and pain of that subject, but the joy and productivity that comes when we wait on the Lord....I'm starting tomorrow, along with all of the other amazing bloggers taking part in this journey...I will be posting a bloggy button, and a link to others participating in this series....
    Today, however, I am doing the opposite of waiting...I am packing, and flurrying around running errands, because this afternoon, I will hitch a ride with one of the amazing women at my church to a retreat center about an hour away for my first ever Women's Prayer Retreat! I've always dreamed about going away by myself for time with the Lord to pray, journal and seek solitude, and most importantly, Him. 24 hours away from my husband, the outside world, and all the distractions I feed myself with daily so I can seek, be silent, and hopefully hear His whisperings and perhaps shouts to my soul...
   I am going to do my best to take some photos, and journal about my experience, so that you can hear more about my waiting on God moments in the next 31 days of blogging...

This weekend, I wish for you the joy of taking moments of silence and solitude to God, and listening for the things He longs to whisper to your soul, if you'll only take the time-gifts to listen.

for a link to this printable and it's creator's festive blog, click here.

Prayer "is the root, the fountain, the mother of a thousand blessings." Chrysostom

I can see clearly now....

2011-09-06T10:04:00.000-05:00

OH. HOW. GLORIOUS!!!

My neck of the woods in Texas is no longer the temperature of the surface of the sun! Labor Day ushered in lower temperatures, cooler breezes, and prospects of change and growth! I have more to post about at a later time, because I am taking this opportunity to finally go outside and be the outdoorsy gal I've missed always being....:)

Delicious autumn!

My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird, I would fly about the earth seeking successive autumns."

--George Eliot

What A Week Can Bring...

2011-08-16T12:48:00.002-05:00

I have reread the few posts I've left here this summer, and while they are honest and true, they seem to have been peppered with the drought of worry, lamenting and inspiration searching... While that of course has been part of my summer, I want to take a moment to share the moments of relief in the waiting, joy and beauty in the everyday...

Though of course I am still in process, I am happy to report that God has answered the prayers of us Texans...be it ever briefly... the RAINS have come!!

This past week, I woke up to the sound of rain hitting our windowpanes, and it's never felt more glorious! It was only a few showers over a couple of days, but the scent of rain in the air, and the clouds were a welcome respite from the drought!

And though it's now back to sun and blistering temps, I feel a bit refreshed...as though the rain gave me a cool drink of energy and perhaps a peek into the window of seasons that will come to us in the months to come...
I am thankful for the summer rain...as Langston Hughes reminds us, "a summer rain cleanses and cools the Earth, the air and you..."

"Let the rain kiss you. Let the rain beat upon your head with silver liquid drops. Let the rain sing you a lullaby"
--Langston Hughes

Unedited, unfiltered...

2011-08-08T14:37:00.001-05:00

So I have spent many many summer days now reading other people's blogs and books, instead of writing my own.   (Insert big sigh here...)   While I know I am an extremely artistic person, writing is a side of my creativity that has been mostly private, as I have poured myself into personal journals and letters.  Before the blog revamp, I was merely a travelling narrative storyteller, and my artistic expression was usually coming out in the shows I was travelling to do...   I miss travelling very much, but I am thrilled to stay put with a glorious husband, a peaceful home, and a loving pup...
     So now my blog suddenly stands before me as a vehicle for expressions of beautiful words, thoughts, feelings and images. I worked many years at my craft and my heart for inferiority to not rear it's ugly head, and I now fight that with my writing...
      In this moment, I only know how to tell my story.
     Currently, it's so hot where I live, I struggle to breathe amidst the Texas dust and grueling temperatures unless I stay tucked in to our home...I'm trying to daily figure out how to reinvent my daily circumstances in one place and at the same time, not lose sight of the craft of performing that I love, though opportunities are now few and far between...I'm daily trying not to succumb to anxiety and isolation, and sometimes I have long talks with my dog in lieu of faraway friends, (don't judge) and I revel in the joy and beauty of being a newlywed, and creating an everlasting friendship and love with my husband... My heart is breaking for my grandmother far away, who needs more support than she has, and wish I had her next to me everyday telling me stories of her big band singing days, and hugging her petite frame ever so tight...
    The words I long to use to explain all of this and more with are still somewhat bound up inside me, flurrying around in my mind, but trying to find their way to my fingertips...
   It is my hope and intention that with each passing entry, I make more sense of my story, and am able to share it in order to grow and bloom, not just vent and splatter....

"About 90 percent of the reason I write is for what it does on the inside of my life, and about 10 percent for what it produces on paper...When I sit down to write, for awhile I read magazines and send emails and wander around, and then what I finally get up the guts to crack through the ice of my mind, I find myself in an odd universe of feelings I didn't know I felt, and memories I didn't know I carried..."
                    --Shauna Niequist in "Cold Tangerines" (currently on my reading table--highly recommended :)

Therefore....

2011-08-03T11:22:00.000-05:00

"Therefore, let us work,

let us develop all our possibilities;

not for ourselves, but for our fellow-creatures.

Let us be enlightened in our efforts,

Let us strive after the general welfare of humanity and indeed of all creation.

We are born here to do certain things.

Life may be misery or not;

it concerns us not; let us do what we have to do.

--Soyen Shaku

Pieces of my Summer Reading Life....

2011-07-26T10:57:00.003-05:00

Currently on the nightstand/bookshelf... Take a look into each book briefly, and taste a morsel of words that speak to the deeper places inside......each book a little glittering gem in my life...so much to learn and process and savor...

"As long as thanks is possible, then joy is always possible. Joy is always possible. The holy grail of joy is not in some exotic location or some emotional mountain peak experience. The joy wonder could be here! Here, in the messy, piercing ache of now, joy might be - unbelieveably - possible!...Penetrating the mystery is like discovering galaxies; there is always more..."
                                  --Ann Voskamp, "One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are"

"If you're a thinker, then you're a writer, for writing is simply thoughts making their way to paper....I'm coming to the conclusion that love is a place--it is the only place where you lose--completely lose and completely find yourself on the same spot...Stream-of-consciousness writing is mental anarchy and spring-cleaning all in one. It's like going into the basement, turning the tables over, breaking the records in half, cutting the stuffed animals open with a sharp pair of scissors (and feeling much better afterward), then putting it all out just in time for the garbage man to collect..."
                  --Sarama O'Shea, "Note To Self - On Keeping A Journal & Other Dangerous Pursuits"

"...Grapes that have warmed all morning in the sun. I'm stopped by the winy, musty, violet scents. The hot sweetness breaks open in my mouth. I have never tasted something so essential in my life as this grape on this morning. They even smell purple. The flavor, older than the Etruscans and deeply fresh and pleasing, just leaves me stunned. Such richness, the big globes, the heaps cascading out of two baskets...The open air confers an ease, a relaxation and freedom. You're your own guest, which is the way summer ought to be..."
                                    --Frances Mayes, "Under The Tuscan Sun"

"Do not feel guilty about taking time to be still in My Presence. You are simply responding to the tugs of divinity within you...Do not be afraid to be different from other people. The path I have called you to travel is exquisitely right for you...To follow me wholeheartedly, you must relinquish your desire to please other people. However, your closeness to Me will bless others by enabling you to shine brightly in this dark world."                                          --Sarah Young, "Jesus Calling"

“Reading, as it were, puts the solid food into our mouths, meditation chews it and breaks it down, prayer obtains the flavor of it and contemplation is the very sweetness which makes us glad and refreshes us. “ --Guigo

Monday Moments of Beauty...

2011-07-25T14:24:00.001-05:00

I just finished my morning ritual of reading all of my favorite blogs...I guess I've joined the technological world in this sense...While nothing will replace the joy I feel with my open journal, my Bible and/or a devotional with a cup of coffee in a beautiful, preferably sunny location; I have recently begun to enjoy reading bursts of bloggy inspiration to greet the morning. Today I ventured over to Frances Mayes blog (the author of "Under The Tuscan Sun") and she had titled one of her blogs "Con Questo Caldo" or rather (a loose translation perhaps?) "With this heat, what is there to say?" My sentiments on this July day exactly. I was going to riff on this statement for my blog post, when I realized it might come off as jaded, weary or tired. This particular sunny summer morning, I feel anything but that! So I decided to share photos and words of things that inspired me the past few days in the hopes it will bring you to a place of sunny happiness this morning....

I begin with these photos I experimented with on my not-so-smart phone. I'm by no means a photographer, but I love exploring light shadows and color...I bought a beautiful bouquet of flowers on Friday for our Girl's Night party, and the simple beauty of them on our kitchen table in my mother's vase made me smile...

"If you have a garden and library, you have everything you need." - Cicero

I love this quote...this summer I have become obsessed (even more than I'm usually am :) with my favorite books....I want to read as many incredible books as I can...and of course, there's never enough time, and always a new book! This is a partial stack of my summer reading list...with everyday standby's like devotionals and the Good Book of course...

My new blog reading this summer has introduced me to the new concept I absolutely love :free printables... Very creative men and women who create various quotes, arts, lists, etc. and design their own spin on it, so you can print them for yourself! Through one of my favorite blogs, I found a most lovely blog by a creative gal named Tai...who created these beauties...Beautiful reminders of gifts of the Lord, and the joy of reveling in His gifts to us! (these are only photos, click on the link to go directly to her blog to download the printable :)

click here for a link to tai's beautiful printable art

I am so grateful for this blazing summer day, heat and all! Off I go to find more inspiration and beauty...here's to your own adventures!!

I walk without flinching through the burning cathedral of the summer. My bank of wild grass is majestic and full of music. It is a fire that solitude presses against my lips. – Violette Leduc

My Sunday Side of the Street...

2011-07-24T10:12:00.009-05:00

It's the day of rest...Sabbath...a time to recharge and rejuevenate...I just awoke slightly earlier than my husband (which is a rarity, I must add) and did some reading...(I would love to say it was with my Bible and devotional, but it was the 2 books I'm currently obsessed with that I decided needed to be read together - "My Life In France" by Julia Child & "The Sharper the Knife, The Less You Cry" by Kathleen Flinn - in which the author quits her dayjob and follows her passions - to Le Cordon Bleu cooking school. Yes, I AM bringing my Bible to church, and will do devotionals later....After My Man and I attend church, no doubt we will come home and fix leftovers from the wondermous "Girl's Night In" partay I threw Friday night. I'm sure some wonderful "Daphne-time" (our precious puppy girl pictured) will then commence...

Then probably work a bit on the house and various chores we need to do together, before I head out the door to rehearse for our church's production of "The Sound of Music"...
I hope whatever it is you do today is filled with both joy and restful peace and tranquility....I'll meet you back here before you know it...

"Sabbath is for play...What about spending some of the day in sheer, unapologetic uselessness--not just ceasing from our utilitarian existence, but turning it right on it's head? What about spending time producing nothing but adrenaline, laughter and memories?"

--Mark Buchanan, "The Rest of God"

Keepin' on.... Stayin' the course.... Following the Through....

2011-07-21T10:05:00.002-05:00

"Too often we take notes on writing, we think about writing but never do it. Walk into the heart of the storm, written words dripping off hair, eyelids, hanging from hands..." -Natalie Goldberg

It is so easy to start browsing the sea of incredibly creative and interesting blogs out there, and be overwhelmed with thoughts like "I'll NEVER write like that!" "She/He's so creative!" "What's the point of writing my piece when there's so many other things to read!"...Well, that might not be your inner monologue, but too often, it becomes mine, I'm sad to admit. I used to be known for my tenaciousness and ambition, but somehow, a few sucker punches along the way, and wearisome bones made those qualities hide up in the recesses of me....but I'm happy to report...I'm on my way to a COME-BACK folks...When I first started blogging, there wasn't such a saturation in the Internet world, and really, I had no purpose for my writing other than to happily journal my travels to friends near and far. I actually went through one of my old journals today - looking for a list of favorite books to send to a friend - and was surprised to find some of my older writings just as luscious and interesting as the blogs and books I'm reading today! How often our inner angst and personal adventures are better viewed from the objective lens of the future...we can't see their beauty while in the moment, we only see disdain and imperfections....

I'm so glad my journals remind me of my dogged determination and follow through of writing...they have been a constant for me since my junior year of college (and Lord knows, that's a longer time than it seems :) I love to write them, read about them, and teach others of the value to their lives...

I am thrilled to revel in this summer day, enjoying the moment, and constantly giving thanks to Him who always provides...

"Go now, write it on a tablet for them, inscribe it on a scroll, that for the days to come it may be an everlasting witness." -Deuteronomy 27: 2-3, 8

Needing the 'follow-through'...

2011-07-16T12:48:00.000-05:00

It's Saturday, and I'm enjoying a delicious summer day at home with my Man...we are in the midst of those household/organizing chores that we never seem to be able to complete, and as we wander to and fro from room to room, I see reminders of all the projects I've yet to finish...the honeymoon scrapbook, addressing thank you cards...the notes I've taken on possible job avenues, the paperwork about at-home businesses I'm too gun shy to start...
Instantly, my mind is filled with thoughts of frustration, and gray, murky feelings of needing more "follow-through"....

Oh, how I need to move past the fear of "oh, this won't work" to "we can't know the outcome until we try" and "face the fear, do it anyway"...
I'm the one whose so good at dreaming up the ideas, but somehow squanders her wherewithal, and I end up not finishing the things I've started.
I need the grace and power of the One from whom all the ideas flow in the first place...
And the strength and determination to know that regardless of whether the outcome is perfect or not, He will meet me along the way to teach me, grow me, and help me be a better version of myself at the completion of the journey.

I can come to a place of fruition and beauty without the incessant need for perfection.

There is no telling how many miles you will have to run while chasing a dream. ~Author Unknown

A Family Affair

2011-07-13T14:43:00.003-05:00

This past weekend, I was thrilled to experience my first family reunion with my husband's family! Being a blissful newlywed and such, I am still getting to know the multitudes of great-aunts, uncles and cousins on my Man's side of the family, and the annual family reunion held every few years in a new and exotic location was the perfect place to hone those face-with-the-name skills every new wife is eager to assume.
This year's locale was only about 5 hours from the Texas homestead, at a beautiful resort nestled in the hills of Arkansas. We got a decent start (of course later than expected...leave it to your's truly to not be packed in time...and I used to call myself a world traveller...sigh). We arrived to a beautiful 2-bedroom condo (with the most heavenly bed evah...if I could have experienced the entire reunion laying on it's glorious pillow-top-ness, I most certainly would have tried :) and greeted my beloved new in-laws quickly, before jetting off to a jam-packed weekend of activities all involving our precious kinfolk. The first one was a lovely wine and cheese reception given us by the wonderful Potter's (no relation to Harry :) where we received more beautiful bottles of wine than we know what to do with (actually we DO know...party time at the homestead soon, folks!), followed by a most lovely luau cookout by the lake.
Despite the humidity and heat (that apparently we toted along with us from Texas), it was beautiful with a slight breeze blowing, down home cookout fare flowing, including the BEST hotdog I've ever eaten!

My Man with our beautiful niece Ansley

The gauntlet was also thrown down and instructions given for a weekend long scavenger hunt challenge. (For the record, my Man and I did NOT win, but one of his sweet cousin's families who was up at the crack of dawn to complete the hunt the next morning were the first victors of the Caldwell Cup! Maybe next year for us? Let's not hold our breath...) I was also quite happy to put on the dessert table the biggest and prettiest cake I (and my husband) have ever made! Being the forgetful-Frannie that I am, we discovered I had not brought enough cream cheese for the homemade frosting recipe when we set out to decorate the top, but my wondermous mother-in-law Lee saved us by helping us make just as delectable whipped frosting with what we had brought...many blueberries and raspberries later, we had our masterpiece:

Saturday brought even more goodness, and one of my favorite activities of the weekend was the first event up that morning...

Yes, that's right folks. Bloody.Mary.Bingo. Be VERY jealous. :)

I can't not remember the last time I played I played bingo, but it may very well be when my age was in the single digits. Well, blend in some delicious bloody Mary's (mine was non-alcoholic...and fabulous), mimosas, some snacks, prizes for each round, and you have yourself some down home GOOD TIMES! My Man's luck was clearly rubbing off on me, as we cleaned up in the prize dept. My hubs won the Guiness mug pictured above, and I took home a wonderful coffee table book. We had originally planned to leave bingo a tad early to go swimming, but it was so much fun, we stayed till the end. (The grand prize was the $40 reunion fee, and sweet Sarah Jean at our table snatched that right up!) I've decided bingo needs to be a fixture at future reunions, and if my side of the family can ever get another reunion together (Sadly, it's like herding cats, as my Aunt Cathy always says) we'll definitely have fun with that! The hubs and I had lunch at the resorts quaint restaurant (crab cakes and fish by the lake, oh my!) before hitting the pool. There was a wonderful party for the kiddos complete with a nostalgic sno-cone machine (which the adults also took full advantage of).

The evening brought scrumptious barbeque and more fun and frolicing as we stuffed our gourds and reveled in long conversations and full belly laughter throughout the evening.

We had 3 flavors of homemade ice cream; peach, vanilla & mint chocolate chip.

Two beautiful ladies (my beloved mother-in-law Lee & Aunt Clevie) in the midst of pre-dinner prep.

Another one of my favorite weekend moments was that evening, a "Dive-In" movie by the pool. It was a cute family flick involving football players and a sweet little girl with bedazzling tendencies (forgive me not remembering the title, hopefully that short description will jog some movie-buff's memories). As the hot sun disappeared into the horizon, the hubs and I dangled our feet in the cool water, and rested in each other arms, blissfully content.

This weekend was such a special time for me...I have always dreamed of having a close family who makes such a concerted effort to be together, and in marrying the Love of My Life, I have been given a tribe of beautiful, loving, loud, joyous Southerners who are blessing my heart and spirit by being the diverse, amazing people they are. And a HUGE HEAPING of THANKS to Rudy & Jala, for organizing, planning and carrying off the entire weekend's festivities without a hitch!! They have laid the groundwork for future reunions as fun as festive as this indeed was!

"Like branches on a tree, our lives may grow in different directions yet our roots remain as one." -Author Unknown

I rode home with my husband happy and gloriously contented...I had been looking forward to the reunion for most of the summer, and it was truly a gift...I miss my new family already! As we drove the path back to the homestead, I thanked the One who gives us life for the gift of the community of family.

"If you don’t recount your family history, it will be lost. Honor your own stories and tell them too. The tales may not seem very important, but they are what binds families and makes each of us who we are. " -Madeleine Engle

Beginning the new Blog Adventure....

2011-07-12T17:41:00.000-05:00

Sooo, today was my day to be obsessed with this blog abit....meaning, being the technological illiterate that I am, or at least, remedial learner, I slowly plowed and proded my way through updating the visuals a bit (still not to my liking, but hey, it's a work in progress), and dreaming about the ways I intend to use this little patch of blog-estate in the future. :) Ever since getting hitched, and moving to the peaceful space that is our home, I have been getting the irge, the itch, the hankerin' - what have you - to write, and more specifically, write a blog...to capture the moments of my life journey, and the inner workings of my thoughts and spiritual growth as well. Of course in my research, I have found the most incredible blogs that succinctly say thoughts in my mind with much more verve and fluidity, and beautiful landscaping to boot, but I've got to stop being intimidated, and remember I'm the only one who can share my personal stories...
Speaking of my stories, I had the most incredible journey to arkansas this weekend for my first ever family reunion with my husband's kinfolk! They are a glorious bunch of people, who have been so welcoming and generous to me....they are a huge group that loves to laugh and play well and hard, and I am beyond blessed that the Lord has given me the gift of family through my husband. I will blog in more detail about that adventures with photos soon....

For now, 5 of my current favorite things...
1. "Sound of Music" rehearsal at our new church home - I am constantly in awe of and full of glee at how supportive of the arts this community of believers is!

2. my new favorite blog, I know it's unhealthy to write obsession, but I'm now a daily visitor, and you should be too: http://www.aholyexperience.com/ (author Ann Voskamp, check out her new book "One Thousand Gifts" as well).

3. samples of body scrubs my friend Sarah is now making at her incredible homemade business, Sugared Beauty. (check out her site - http://www.sugaredbeauty.com/ ) I am currently trying out mojio, sugar pie, and after dinner mint - wondermous and cost effective!

4. new (or I should say, new to me) music for my summery adventures: Barton Hollow, the new album by the Civil Wars and Mumford & Son's Sigh No More....good stuff maynard

5. Cooking (& baking - there's a first for me!) with my husband....this past weekend, we made this rather large cake for the reunion...I am grateful to Barefoot Contessa video footage for helping us tinker along in the kitchen:

Well folks, I'm off to the store to gather some goods for my #5 activity - cooking vittles with my soul mate...

Independence day Joy - a blessing among many! :)

2011-07-04T11:02:00.001-05:00

Soaking up the Love of this holiday....long swims in the pool, hugs and cuddles with the hubs....a bevy of firework displays lining the horizon of the texas sky....
I do not take my freedom for granted, and I am oh so blessed and thankful for it! Hope as many as could do so enjoyed this beautiful holiday weekend with loved ones!

Dusting off the Blog-board....

2011-07-03T23:55:00.001-05:00

It's been almost 2 full years since I have touched this blog...back then, my life felt so different, and my circumstances were most certainly so... I have been yearning to pour out the words of my story on my little piece of blog land...I thought I would move completely to a new blogorhood, but decided instead to do some remodeling...change the blog title, revamp the visuals, and forge ahead at documenting my heart and life. I hope you will take the journey with me, and forgive the numerous mis-steps I may most likely make...I'm so thrilled to be back, and I hope we can both enjoy the journey...and rest in His unending and amazing grace!

"If you live close to Me and absorb My Word, the Holy Spirit will guide and correct you as needed. There is no condemnation for those who belong to Me." - Jesus Calling

A week and a day and counting....

2009-08-13T08:01:00.000-05:00

Happy Thursday to all!
I have wanted to write many an entry for awhile now, but sometimes living life is better than writing about it, ya know? :) I just returned from a few days in Branson visiting family, and it was restful and so wonderful to get away from the big D for a little bit! :) (And if you read my twitters, I didn't realize how repetitive I was being...sigh...still have to master the art of being witty & concise in the limited amount of characters they give you). So, my myemectomy surgery date is officially in a week and one day! August 21st, 7:15am folks--the surgeons will be spending some time in my abdomen, and more specifically, my uterus...yowza, owza... For those that don't know, a myemectomy is a surgical procedure where they remove the fibroid tumors from the uterus, and stitch back up the uterean wall so as to avoid a hysterectomy--praise God! It's still a full abdominal surgery (they call it a bikini incision--not looking forward to a scar on my abby...sniff,sniff...but so much better than the alternative :) so I will be out of commission for at least 4 weeks, probably 6 total. I'll be in the hospital for 3 days after the procedure, then home to recover. I am beyond grateful & thankful that both my stepmom & my Godmom will be here for about a week and a half total to help me in the toughest part of my recovery. I know I will be longing to have long heart to heart's with them, laugh & just enjoy their company, but the unfortunate truth is I will probably be drugged up beyond belief on pain killers (I've never taken Vicotin before, but apparently, I'm about to--my doc said the pain is intense enough to need this for a short time) and unable to laugh without hurting...but hey! They will be here, and for that--I am so thankful and excited! They are incredible amazing women, and I love them both so very much! My stepmom will be here for 3 days, then my Godmom for a full week! I can't remember the last time I saw her for that long of time! :) :)
So, off I trudge to work, but I am trying to enjoy being out and about most anywhere for the next week or so (even if it is work), as I will be laid up, and unable to drive for at least 2 weeks, and laid up longer than that at home. I have stock piled books and journals and plan to read and blog and write as much as I can...
And now I end this post with a quotation from Julie Powell--author of "Julie & Julia". She wrote this quote in 2002--back when blogging was something the general population hadn't quite caught onto yet...but still her words ring true: (I have always loved the phrase 'barbaric yawp'--gotta love Robin Williams in "Dead Poets Society" for using it :)

"Nowadays anyone with a crap laptop (that's me :) & Internet access can sound their barbaric yawp--whatever it may be. But the surprise is that for every person who's got something to say, it seems there are at least a few people who are interested. Some of them aren't even related. There's a dangerous, confessional thrill to opening up your eminently fascinating life and brain to the world at large and the internet makes it all so much faster and more breathless and exciting..." --JP

Sittin' On A Sunday...

2009-07-26T19:46:00.000-05:00

So, after blogging about the WONDERMOUS (translation: go pick it up right now at the bookstore! :) book "Same Kind of Different As Me", the authors Ron Hall & Denver Moore came to speak at my church, Firewheel Bible Fellowship. I really enjoyed hearing Ron speak about the way Denver and his friendship with his late wife Debbie really transformed his life. He was full of true humility and it was a treat that Denver was there--originally it was just supposed to be Ron. But since both live in the Dallas area, we were blessed by seeing & hearing Denver Moore. As I read the book, I constantly wondered what his voice sounded like, what his eyes most likely said when he spoke. He was amazing. He spoke what was on his heart, and sang a spiritual that most likely just came from his soul, and not a hymnal. I sat transfixed, as my soul was ministered to. I met them both at a book signing afterward, but my favorite moment was later--as the book signing was winding down, but before they left to speak at the 2nd service. I was helping myself to some breakfast at the refreshment table that was pretty much deserted, and I looked to my left, and there stood Denver Moore--by himself, unassuming & quiet, drinking orange juice. I wanted to speak to him, but suddenly found myself shy. I asked him what his favorite spiritual/hymm was to sing. He looked at me with his wise, strong though quiet gaze, and spoke slowly. "Well, I just sing whatever God puts on my heart." At that moment, they ushered him away to speak, but it was a precious still moment that spoke volumes to me. What a man of wisdom & unspeakable circumstances that no one should ever know, and what a blessing to me to see him so filled with God's spirit & grace--ministering to us all. I don't want to give the book away if you haven't read their story, but I was so blessed & honored to have met such a man today as Denver Moore. God once again reminded me through him that He alone is our ultimate provider, and moves mountains we can't begin to see over or around. I'm excited because Denver & Ron have a new book coming out the end of September, "What Difference Do It Make?". I can't wait to read it!

Denver-ism's....

2009-07-18T09:58:00.000-05:00

I've seen the book "Same Kind of Different As Me" many times at the bookstore--friends have recommended it, and I've bypassed it many times...Thankfully, I am now reading my dear friend's copy. I woke up this morning at 7am unable to sleep, and have been voraciously reading it for the last 2 1/2 hours. I love the narrative voices in this book...I love the man Denver's wisdom, spoken with such stark simplicity that it is simply...profound. One point he made about friendship really hit home with me:

"I heard that when white folks go fishin' they do somethin called 'catch & release.' " "That really bothers me," Denver went on. "I just can't figure it out. Cause when colored folks go fishin', we really proud of what we catch, and we take it and show it off to everybody that'll look. Then we eat what we catch...in other words, we use it to sustain us. So it really bothers me that white folks would go to all that trouble to catch a fish, then when they done caught it, just throw it back in the water." He paused again, and the silence between us stretch a full minute. Then: "Did you hear what I said?". I nodded, afraid to speak, afraid to offend. Denver looked away...then locked onto me again with that drill-bit stare. "So, Mr. Ron, it occurred to me: If you is fishin for a friend you just gon' catch & release, then I ain't got no desire to be your friend." Suddenly his eyes gentled and he spoke more softly than before: "But, if you is lookin for a real friend, then I'll be one. Forever."

It made me think about all of the times--in friendship and in love, that I have been caught...and released...And then I thought about those precious souls in my life, that though we may not be in constant contact (and some of them are) when we do speak, it's as though the miles and distant between our connection have been swallowed up into nothing in an instant. The friend and loved one that doesn't release you, but holds steady on and loves and accepts you through your tribulations and greatest joys is such a treasure. This passage made me thank God for those souls in my life, and it made me pray for those who have released me...that they are too being blessed and loved as they have moved on in their lives... I'm someone that hates change when it relates to those I love & care for, but I am learning to embrace the new reality of each day that God gives me, and see that if we only can rest in God's sovereignty, He constantly leads us to new and exciting journeys. I want to continually 'catch' my friends & family--be there for them, lift them up and grow with them into the new places in our lives. I love this book and it's message...I know you will too.

Freaky Friday...

2009-07-17T20:37:00.000-05:00

Ok, so it's not so freaky Friday....

I'm sitting at home...the dog is on my bed...(Sweet Snickers...)

I'm reading a fantastic book ("Same Kind of Different As Me"--Ron Hall is speaking at my church in 2 weeks--am so excited about that!)

Contemplating what I should eat for din-din before it gets too late...

Praying about my upcoming surgery...I reallly hate when money is a factor in a decision for something, especially something important...but I have to decide which doctor should perform my surgery...one would think I should just automatically have the specialist do it, but he saw me once verrry quickly, and has no background on my case...should my doctor whose been studying it for months be the one? Or the specialist in case there's any emergency scenario? But if that was the case, would the specialist really be able to do anything the other doc couldn't do to save the uterus? Questions I'm not sure anyone BUT God has the answer too... I also have no earthly idea where the money is coming for all of my upfront surgical charges and living expenses while recovering...I know I am believeing God for my provision, but doesn't He want His child to be proactive and assertive and smart? Oh, how I wish financial provision could rain from the sky like the manna from heaven did...

Ok, enough about that for now...

On a completely unrelated and supercilious note...did anyone see the top 10 elimination show of "So You Think You Can Dance"...it's a rarity for me to miss my favorite show...for 5 long seasons I have been a die-hard fan...I shed an imaginary tear or two ;0 when Phillip was voted off...he reminds me of my brother! :) (Shout out Nick! Love you! :)

I'm going to go enjoy the evening, and listen to some of my current itunes download favorites: "Steady On" (Live--love the new version!) by Shawn Colvin, "Shine Your Light On Us" by the Robbie Seay Band, and the new Broadway cast's of "Hair" recording of "Aquarius"...good stuff maynard....

Just another Manic Monday...

2009-07-13T14:20:00.000-05:00

Hey there all...I haven't written much about my current health condition because I've been amassing a lot of information since Friday and this weekend...and am still amassing it! :) I DO however, have to pass on the incredible news...turns out the specialist I saw wasn't exactly a miracle worker necessarily, he just saw what my other doctors saw at the end of the week...the tumor is finally beginning to shrink!! On July 4th, my hemorrhaging stopped, and I had 3 full days of relief and rest...My doctors all have said the tumor is now small enough to do a myemectomy surgery instead of a histerectomy! Praise God!!! I always felt deep down in my spirit from the beginning that God was going to save my uterus, but I had really begun to lose hope, and thought, maybe I was wrong, maybe the 'healing' per se, would be the removal of my uterus. After the struggle & pain of the last few months, I have been floating on air this weekend over this good news...of course, there are still many huge hurdles to cross--decisions over who to have perform the procedure, financial issues of course, and then, oh yes--that little thing called the um...surgury itself...but I just have to thank all of you dear friends who prayed for me, and praise God for his provision and healing!!!! I would appreciate you keeping me in your prayers!

I'm at work, eating lasagna, counting the hours until 6 o'clock, but trying to keep a smile on my face. The Lupron drug is working it's way out of my system, and I'm feeling more and more like myself everyday, which is another HUGELY fantastic thing!!! I'll write more tonight or tomorrow...ohhh, and should I even admit this?....In a delirium of internet surfing and writing, I broke down and joined twitter.....sigh...what is this world coming to? ;)
Happy Monday all!

Song of Purple Summer....

2009-07-09T08:28:00.000-05:00

"I think these difficult times have helped me to understand better than before how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way and that so many things that one goes around worrying about are of no importance whatsoever..." --Isak Dinesen

"Any disaster you can survive is an improvement in your character, your stature, and your life. What a privilege!" --Joseph Campbell

I only have a moment to write, so I thought the eloquent words above more adequately and succinctly expressed my heart in this moment. I went to my 1st 2nd opinion doctor's appointment yesterday, and it was a huge blessing...I had to run back to work, and worked late amidst a place full of chaos and tension and confusion, and arrived home later than usual exhausted...but my heart was full of real hope for the for the first time in a long while, regarding my health. Have another appointment today...will be able to write more about everything after finding more out today... Thank you so much for any and all that have prayed--please keep doing so!

2nd opinion day...

2009-07-08T07:22:00.000-05:00

It's a little after 7am...I've been tossing and turning for a little bit...the sun is beginning to peek thru my window, and I'm both excited and nervous to go to my doctor's appointment today. I wanted my words here to be positive and witty and sparkly, but that will have to be for another day. I have been asking the Lord alot of questions lately, and not always hearing an answer, but feeling his peace and comfort. I have been also extremely blessed with the miracle of not hemmorhaging the past 3 days....I have felt more like myself than I have felt in months. This morning, I am going to the reproductive specialist who specializes in fibroid surguries for a 2nd opinion. I am hopeful he does an ultrasound, and we see if the tumor has shrank this past month. Alot has happened to me this past month...I hope among other things the tumor inside my uterus has been dying and shriveling...Other thiings in my life have died, which has been extremely painful...I can only pray that the one thing I've wanted more than anything to die has begun to do so too...
This sounds like such a morbid entry, I'm actually really in a much better place than I even was last week...I am resting and reading and praying and planning, and Grateful to God for drawiing near to me...I also hope to take a mini-vay-cay on the weekend at the end of this month, baring any unforseen glitches with my current health situation...I'm trying to figure out where I should go...Pennsylvania? California? Colorado? New York City? Table Rock Lake? It's only going to be 3 or 4 days, but hey---a girl takes what she can get! :)
Here's praying and hoping and wishing and believeing for good news today...

Morning updates...Growing in suburbia...

2009-07-02T08:14:00.000-05:00

It's Thursday...I'm hopeful that I can go to Wichita for the holiday weekend, but my pesky healthy issue is rearing it's ugly head, and I don't know if I'll be able to travel in a car for 6 hours without pulling over multiple times...sigh...Jesus, puh-leaze give me some strength...and perhaps a reprieve so I can see loved ones and get out of plastic suburbia for a few days?.....

I'm having trouble sleeping...I am regularly waking up at 2:30am, sometimes 3...and toss and turn for a spell...usually after hemorrhaging...It's more than a little bit scary that the word 'hemorrhage' is now a regular part of my vocabulary when talking about my health...Lord willing, not for much longer...

If you are the type that prays, please pray for my doctor's appointments next week--that there will be an alternative surgery to the hysterectomy, and that I will be healed of this condition...

On a positive :) :) note...

I'm truly loving reading the books I'm in right now, I will spotlight one today...."Death By Suburb" by David Goetz. I truly think every Christian in the Dallas suburbs should have this book as required reading...As a girl whose lived all over this country and beyond, I haven't been in the suburbs as long as some others, but I feel the effects here, as my travelling days seem like a distant memory...David talks about the spiritual dimension of our lives beyond the physical..."There's another dimension or two," he writes. "This much thicker world is a world in which I am alive to God and alive to others, a world in which what I don't yet own defines me. A life well lived spiritually, it seems is a life lived in the thickness--in the space beyond and including the 3-dimensional form of the moment. The harsh light of suburban living tricks us--our lives are anything but flat. One simply needs eyes to behold it's thickness. The discipline, then is learning to see again..." I know that might sound vague to some, and yes I know, I haven't talked about Jesus in that quote, but it's from the beginning of the book, and he's just warming up. I like the way he writes...he wraps you up in the words, and draws you in...

Oh yes, and to contradict myself, on a completely outward note, I thought I would share my new headshot...it turned out better than I expected...though I don't understand when people tell me a picture of taken 5 years ago looks 'more' like me than my new color headshot...I think it's because the other shot was taken outside in the sun, and not in a studio...you be the judge. I like them both...and am happy to finally have a headshot that shows what I look like RIGHT NOW...today, July 2nd...

I'm NOT Oprah...but as she says.."These things I know for sure..."

2009-07-01T08:44:00.000-05:00

--Work feels like jail to me...I am grateful for a job and insurance, don't get me wrong...but the work itself is 'killing off my soul' just a little bit...geez, that sounded melodramatic, didn't mean to, but you catch the drift...:)

--Trying to heal a broken heart when you have a broken body is truly one of the most difficult things I've ever been through.

--I'm loving reading and writing again! My free time has got my nose in the books...I'm sure alot of it is to 'forget', but it's also to get back to more of 'me'...

--I am in the midst of dealing with life changing circumstances. My entire life I have believed I could be a mom if the gift of marriage arrived in my life...Now I am being told I need a hysterectomy...until the 2nd & 3rd opinions and final ultrasounds are in, I'm not giving up the fight.

--Bleeding=hard core anemia=EXHAUSTION. As an active person, this is sooo frustrating to deal with! I can't run like I used to, I can't work out like I used to, I'm sleeping like it's my job...sigh..

--I have been very angry at God and running from God these past few months like no other time in my life...but I'm taking time each day to be with him, and draw closer to Him even when I don't feel like it...and that's a very good thing.

--I am very hopeful about getting out of town this weekend!

--I hope someone still reads this blog, I'm in the process of dusting it off and 'remodeling'...new layout and music coming soon...

--Happy Wednesday people!

Today it's other's words that are better than my own...

2009-06-27T11:02:00.001-05:00

"Every one of us is called upon, probably many times, to start a new life. And onward full tilt we go, pitched and wrecked and absurdly resolute, driven in spite of everything to make good on a new shore. To be hopeful, to embrace one possibility after another - that is surely the basic instinct...Crying out: High tide! Time to move out into the glorious debris. Time to take this life for what it is." --Barbara Kingsolver "High Tide In Tucson"

"However confused the scene of our life appears, however torn we may be who now do face that scene, it can be faced, and we can go on to be whole." --Muriel Rukeyser

How Can It Already Be June? Impossible!

2009-06-02T07:50:00.001-05:00

So, I have become one of those bloggers who writes so infrequently, most likely the few readers I had no longer check this spot for updates...but perhaps someone will stumble upon these few words...
I have not been writing much these days b/c I have been living life in an extreme mode...I struggle daily going to my job...yesterday I had the distinct pleasure of being treated like a delinquent school child there...but that's another story. I am counting the days until my next doctor's appointment, where I will get another ultrasound, and we will find out how much the Lupron has shrunk my tumor, and whether I need another injection, and when the surgury will be to remove it. I am also moving to another location this weekend, so my life is once again packed up in boxes. I unforuntely have moved more times than I can count, and the presence of boxes in my space is all too familiar. I would reallllly like to stop this trend. I am going to rent a room with 2 other girls. I should be very excited about this prospect, and while I am grateful and happy to have found a location, I will miss my own space, and my own bathroom, and only driving 20 minutes to work everyday.
I am reading one of Madeleine L'engle's books that I surprisingly never got to..."A Stone For A Pillow--Journeys With Jacob". Jacob wrestles with God amidst his struggles, and that's something I find myself relating to. I am weary and frustrated a lot of the time these days, and I dispise that. I am trying to keep a positive attitude about everything, but some days are just harder than others. I know I will feel better after I have moved into a more stable environment, and gotten word from my doctors how much longer I am going to have to deal with feeling like a loon, but I am grateful that God welcomes my wrestling with him, and loves me more than I can imagine or deserve.
I must put on my pewter colored scrubs, and trek to the chaotic clinic today...I wish I could post fun pictures of the animals we care for....the largest cat I've EVAH seen in my life--Dante (as in Dante's Inferno, people--I swear he's got to be close to 50 pounds of red fur!) and the sweet kitty Sebastian I wish I could adopt, but can't...or the sweet great dane Baron who comes in so frequently for treatment and boarding that he knows and loves all of us...when I hug him, he puts his huge head in my lap and just nuzzles in...sigh...I really wish I could get a pet right about now...
I hope your Tuesday is absolutely fantastic wherever you are, and if you pray--keep me in your prayers...and I will keep you, great world, in mine...

Why I love my Godmom!

2009-05-04T18:38:00.000-05:00

Hello Folks...haven't written much these days...I've been both bottling up my thoughts and feelings and expressing ones that don't feel much like my own, given my health condition.
I am battling a large fibroid tumor in my uterus, and am taking Lupron injections to shrink the tumor to remove it. It has wreaked havoc on my emotions and my mindset, and I've been trying to hold it all in, and pretend like I'm fine...but today I realized it's really ok not to be ok....My wise Godmom gave me the best advice...(and she's one of the Godliest women I know!) "Stop trying to be too damn holy! If your angry and frustrated, tell God about it...express how you feel! Know that it's ok! " I think I almost needed permission to feel that way...I hate feeling like I could drive someone away with my emotions, when it's not really me, but a side effect of a drug I have to take as a last resort...I know that the people who truly love and care for me will stick by me in this situation, but it doesn't always make me feel any better...God is teaching me about giving up control, and surrendering to Him...I am bewildered by His timing of all of this in my life, but I have to believe His plan is the only one that makes sense...off I go to exercise, and vent to the Big G and listen to some good music...

Shaking the dust off this blog...

2009-04-19T11:52:00.000-05:00

Hello, hello, whoever still reads this!

It ha been entirely too long since I last posted...so much, so much living...not enough writing...

Some quick observations:

**Spring is trying to spring in Dallas, but we keep having pockets of cold and wind...the rain just makes me think we're on our way to "May flowers"...

**My birthday is a week from tomorrow. The last few years they've made me surprisingly grumpy, probably b/c I both love that I've made another year thru this life, and also getting older and being single isn't always the best combination. However, I am turning over a new leaf...I am excited to turn thirty-?!*@#**@ and getting excited for my day...

**I am beginning to love going to sporting events...who KNEW I would love attending a Dallas Mavericks game so much that I now own 2 (!) Nowitski shirts! (If you have to ask who this is, as I once would've...look no further than the Dallas Mavericks...)

**Who knew I would also enjoy computer games? :) Have my sweetie to thank for that one!

**I am getting ready to get an injection of Lupron tomorrow...I am scared, but also hopeful and determined....fibroid tumor--be gone from my uterus!!!!

**I am almost done reading "Breaking Dawn"....sigh...I will be very sad to leave these fantastic characters behind...I'm lingering thru the end to make it last longer...it's almost like reading the last Harry Potter, but not quite....this author's good, but she's not THAT good folks....

**Just watched the classic "Fletch Lives" last night, and laughed quite a lot mind you...I still can't get over how early Chevy Chase movies remind me of my Dad....

Off I go to the baseball game! I love Sunday's!!!

5 Minute Updates

2009-03-12T08:07:00.001-05:00

I've returned to blog-dom! I know, I know, it's shocking...I've actually been aching to write, I just can't seem to find the minutes in my day, which is frustrating, and I know sounds like an excuse....sigh...These are my less than 5 minute updates...

--When you change your 'relationship status' on Facebook, things can go a little nutty on your page, I was amused to discover...:) Apparently, I've been told from the young'un's "It's not official until it's on Facebook"....yowza...

--Though I greatly admire them, thank God I am not currently a vegetarian!! I am having some health issues that made me anemic, and have been ordered by the doc to consume the red meat...so consume it I have...(there's a wondermous buffalo Burger at Fuddrucker's that I highly recommend). I don't think I have eaten as much red meat and steak at once in my life as I am now...and I have to say....yummmm....

--It's rainy and gloomy in Texas, and while I am trying to enjoy it, because months from now it will be a bizillion degrees everyday, it makes me realize I sometimes am affected by the sun in my moods...i.e., I'm not really a fan of the cloudy day...unless I can be snuggled up under the covers listening to the rain hit my windowpane, and know I don't have to go out in it...

--No matter what decadent treat is out there to be consumed, there is always still 'a light' (if you will:) in a person's eyes when you offer them one of the best classic cookies in the world--a Girl Scout Cookie Thin Mint....:)

--I have become addicted to a new snack food--Pirates Booty! Not only do I love it's texture, and flavor, and the fact that the serving size is quite large, it's fun to say, and hear people giggle when they've never heard of it, and you tell them what you're eating...

--This time last year, I was getting on a plane to go to China...I really miss travelling, more than I expected to...I miss the freedom, the adventure, the knowing you are doing the exact thing that God made you to do...And while I am thankful for the stability and love I have in my life, I am surprised how much I miss it...

--I really, really, really miss my Mom...

Ok kids, that's the under 5 wrap up, I will try and blog more soon, I really, really will!

5 Minute Conundrums...

2009-02-13T07:58:00.000-06:00

I have less than 5 minutes to write about my current thoughts:

--You make choices and take steps that seem logical at the time...and they are...and then you wake up, and realize you don't even really know how you got here! This time last year I was preparing to go overseas and relishing that I was a professional performer once again...This year the economy is in the toilet and I am in Dallas in a job I am thankful for, but frustrated by...I am making new friends, and enjoying a new relationship that I never saw coming, and facing the incredibly generous, and abyss sized question: "What do I want to pursue?"

--I have come to love my morning coffee and oatmeal...I never go without a watch, and my skin is frightfully flaky--I feel myself getting older, yet still feel so young at heart...

--I am itching with every fiber in my being to travel once again...going to China lit the fire back in me...but my circumstances are all pointing to staying in one place. I wouldn't want to give up my stability right now, but I daydream about flying to other corners of the world...

--I am mourning the loss of my digital camera with all 4 memory cards in it's pouch--I had transferred all of my China photos but for one memory card--which had some pretty spectacular shots...I've pretty much turned up every corner of my little world, and it's simply vanished...It was red and cute and shiny and took excellent pictures...sad,sad,sad...

--I have less than 10 minutes to dry my hair and head to work....

I am experiencing writer's block with my little piece of blog-land, forgive the morning ramblings...I hope everyone enjoys their Friday--wherever they are in this incredible world...

5 Minutes Before Breakfast.

2009-02-02T07:55:00.000-06:00

Greetings! I hope my friends and fam that read this blog before my multi-week absence are still out there...I am finally BACK online at the homestead--woo-hoo!! This weekend was wondermous for so many reasons, but I only have a moment to spew grateful spurts of words like a fountain....
This weekend I:
--took a road trip to Dublin, TX and both purchased and consumed the nectar of the Gods--otherwise known as Dublin Dr. Pepper...to those living in other areas of the country, you are TRULY missing out...it's merely Dr. Pepper made with pure cane sugar instead of corn syrup, but reallllly, they must put some sort of liquid addictive drug in it b/c it feels like a combination of healing elixir and Narnia's turkish delight :) I highly recommend it... I also saw what felt like the world's LARGEST SPUR...only in Texas folks, only in Texas... (insert yee-haw & chuckle here ;)
--Sang incredible worship music @ Firewheel with an awesome worship leader from the Village...My favorite was "Tasting Forgiveness" during communion...
--Watched the Superbowl while consuming wings and ridiculously yummy fries dipped in ranch (this weekend had some pretty incredible food highlights...my belly needs a gym workout...F-A-S-T.... )
--Smiling excessively in the presence of a person I'm really enjoying getting to know :)
--Consuming as much sunshine as I could--I find the older I get, the more I despise cloudy chilly days...
--Read an incredible passage/quote on my favorite church's website (thevillagechurch.net). It's from a John Piper text (which ties into currently reading "Battling Unbelief"--highly recommended. ) It was actually an answer to the question "What should I pray before going to worship?" I would also extend that question to "What should I pray before I go onstage to perform?" To my non-christian friends and loved ones that read this blog, it must seem confusing or silly, but it's really a fantastic and deep,deep truth in my faith that I cling to. I want to laminate it to various locations and commit the words to my soul b/c the achingly beautiful truth is Jesus is always the answer...I know that deep in my heart... I don't always resonate with John Piper's words as much as some other writers, but let these words soak in, even if you don't fully agree with the ideas, let them percolate:

"God, deliver me from the professionalizers! Deliver me from the low, managing, contriving, maneuvering temper of mind among us. God, give me tears for my sins. Forgive me for being so shallow in prayer, so thin in my grasp of holy truths, so content amid perishing neighbors, so empty of passion and earnestness in all my conversation. Restore to me the childlike joy of my salvation. Frighten me with the awesome holiness and power of Him who can cast both soul and body into hell. Cause me to hold to the cross with fear and trembling as my hope-filled and offensive tree of life. Grant me nothing, absolutely nothing, the way the world views it. May Christ be all in all. Banish professionalism from my midst, Oh God, and in its place put passionate prayer, poverty of spirit, hunger for God, rigorous study of holy things, white-hot devotion to Jesus Christ, utter indifference to all material gain, and unremitting labor to rescue the perishing, perfect the saints, and glorify my sovereign Lord. Humble me, O God, under Your mighty hand, and let me rise, not as professionals, but as a witness and partaker of the sufferings of Christ. In His awesome name. Amen." — John Piper "Brothers, We Are Not Professionals."

My heart is fully of gratefulness and joy this morning! I hope you can find that in your heart/mind/spirit wherever you read these words! Happy Monday! Onto scrubs & medical notation I go....:)

I haven't fallen off the face of the earth...really! ;)

2009-01-18T21:13:00.000-06:00

Hello,
I truly haven't fallen off of the face of blog-land, I am merely in the land of 'technical difficulties', as the internet has stopped working at my humble abode the past few days. I want to write more about life...I am very blessed that things are going much better since the New Year began...I will write more in the next few days...Today I strolled thru the park and soaked up the sun, and thanked God for His provision in my life. It was truly a beautiful day, spent in worship and with those I care for...
I look forward to posting a real entry in the next few days...Happy New Year!